Intentions

The Lord has been teaching me a lot over the last few months. Lessons about intentionality and humbleness.  My first lesson over the last few months was this one, where I talked about fasting.  This time, it's about making a joyful noise, with selfless intentions.
As a teenager and young adult I craved attention.  I wanted to be the center of it.  From around the middle school years I decided I wanted to act and sing. My childhood best friend and I would sing until our voices were mere whispers but we were happy.  She and I would spend hours singing on the phone with one of our guy friends at the time.  Boys II Men was one of our favorites.  We would just play music and sing to each other, with each other.  It was a glorious time.  When I reached 10th or 11th grade I decided I was going to move to Hollywood and become rich and famous and everybody was going to love me and want to be me.  (side note-SO glad that never came to fruition)  I got wrapped up in material things.  I would sing in the car while I watched myself in the rear view mirror to make sure my face didn't look funny while I sang.  I starved myself so I would fit the mold.  All I was concerned about was the material.  Was the physical.  What I wore and what I looked like.  I was so very vain.  It's so sad how wrapped up I was in myself.  I believe I did have a talent to sing.  To act even, I did it so well on a daily basis for so long.
   
The Lord has been working with my heart here lately on being humble.  He has placed a conviction and a longing to be humble. For example, I have never lost my love for singing.  Ever.  However, those reasons have changed with each passing month over the last few years.  I told Josh a little while ago that I would love to sing with our worship team at church but I would never ask to do so.  It just felt wrong.  It felt like I was back to "hello, I can sing, you need to use me" all over again and I just couldn't stand the thought.  Honestly, I think my selfishness cost me some of my gift over the years.  I think it holds true that if you don't use the gift, correctly, then you start to lose it.  I prayed for months for a humble heart.  I prayed that any ounce of selfishness would leave my heart.  I prayed that if I were meant to be a part of our worship team that the opportunity would arise but only when my heart had reached the point of readiness.  Only when my heart had reached the point where my heart would not swell with pride if I was paid a compliment.  The Lord has given me the opportunity to participate with the worship team.  He has also allowed me to do so with baby steps.  Giving me enough opportunity to keep my humbleness in check.  To make sure that I don't jump in head first and lose the lessons that he has taught me and it continuing to teach me.  I am so thankful for God's grace in my life.  I am so grateful for being able to look back at my life and say "hey, so THAT's why that happened".  I am so thankful for God's grace.  I am so thankful that when I sing I can truly say that my heart is singing praises to my King, not just singing so the person next to me might think I have a pretty voice.

Teaching Toddlers Bible Verses.

"You are the God who sees, you are the God who sees, you are the God who sees, 1 John 5:3"

"The Lord is good to all, the Lord is good to all, the Lord is good to all, Psalm 145:9"

That would be February and March's verses.  Imagine them in an annoyingly catchy can't get 'em outta your head song.  

We are teaching the girls Bible verses.  One a month.  We started it when Teagan was around 2 and a half but we let life get in the way and we were not as consistent as we needed to be.  We're back on track now and we've decided to do the same verses every year for the next year or two so that we know both girls really know them.  Because while Kyra claps to and giggles at the songs she, at 16 months, does not comprehend the words.  So, we'll do them again until she knows them.

I've also written them so they're in mine and Josh's face most of the time.  We have them hanging above the table and on door leading to our garage.      

What are some ways you're pressing the word into your kiddos?  We're all about creative ways to teach the girls the Gospel in our house, so please, share! 

Modern Family 2.0

Around a year ago I blogged during a six part series our pastor was teaching.  I blogged about being submissive to my husband and doing it willingly.  It sounded extremely optimistic and the post made it sound like it was an easy thing.  Moment of truth.  It isn't.
While submitting to my husband has been a blessing to me.  It has also been a challenge.  My sinful nature takes over more often than not.  My need to lead and do things my way takes over more often than I would like to admit.

Some things I have learned that has help make this task easier has been:

Digging into the word.  Digging. Digging. Digging.  There is a correlation with this and how I treat my husband.  There is a correlation with my time in the Word and how I treat my children.  Digging into the word has also molded my heart to appreciate what submissive means.  To realize more and more that submitting is not a bad thing.  Submitting is allowing my husband to take charge of our family but with that charge comes an extreme responsibility.  He is going to be held accountable for our family.  For me. For our girls.  I am going to do everything in my power to help him and stand by him in his charge.  THAT is why I choose to be submissive.  I am called to be his helper.  Eve was made out of Adams side.  Not his back.  Not his front.  But his side.  Not cowering behind him or running ahead. To walk beside him and be his partner.  
Praying for my husband.  I pray for Josh at least 5 days out of the week and I pray very specific things for him.  I got the specific prayers from here and I have tried to follow them.  I haven't stopped.  I just re-pray when the month runs out.
Giving myself grace.  I am going to mess up.  Submissive is not in my nature.  Like the post I wrote last time, submission to me was weakness.  These last few years have been a learning curve.  God's grace has been evident through those years.  I still mess up and I will continue to mess up until I am put in my grave and dancing with my Savior.


So, yes, it is going to be difficult.  It's not going to be easy.  Is it going to be worth it?  Absolutely.

If you'd like to have a conversation on submission please feel free to e-mail me.  I know submission has a very negative connotation in our day and age.  Living biblically is seen as old-fashioned to a lot of women and men of our generation and those younger and even older.  Submission is often taken out of context and made to be something negative.  It's seen as the woman lingering in the corner waiting on her husband to provide her with his next request.  That is NOT how it is.  That is NOT how the Bible portrays it.  I really don't want women to think that is how it is.  So please, e-mail me, message me on Twitter, message me on Facebook, leave a comment here.  Please don't go on thinking submission equals weak and bad and negative.  Please reach out.  And if you live close we can even meet up.  If not, I Skype. We can have a virtual cup of coffee and chat.

 

Influence, what?!

I have recently joined the Influence Network.  By recent, I mean two days ago.  They did a link up yesterday that I did not have time to participate in but decided to jump on the bandwagon a little later anyway.

They posed three questions so that the network members could get to know each other a little better.  Those questions were:

3 things about yourself: 

1- I love shoes.  I would have a room full of shoes if I could.  I love shoes of every style, color, and creed.  I love $5 shoes and I drool over $1,000 shoes.  I don't discriminate against shoes.  You should see my Pinterest...it's pretty bad.  A whole board committed to just shoes.

2- I love to sing.  I love music.  I am constantly singing.  Whether it be making up silly songs or Bible verse songs for the girls or just lifting my voice in worship of my sweet Jesus, I love it.  I often question myself as to whether or not I am good enough, but nobody has ever asked me to stop singing or ran away, so I guess I'm not half bad. 

3- I have a planner obsession.  It's pretty bad, y'all.  I will walk the aisle at Target or WalMart and look at the planners even if I have one thinking how FUN (really? Haha) that it would be to sit down and rewrite in pretty pens everything in a new planner.  I was recently gifted an Erin Condren planner and I couldn't stop gazing at it...my precious. So bad.

1 thing you've gained from the network: 

As I said in the intro, I've only been a member of the Influence Network for literally days.  That being said, I am super excited.  I have read through some of the forums, I've signed up for a class (yay!), and I see what some of the other members are gaining from becoming part of this online Jesus lovin' community.  I absolutely cannot wait to dive in headfirst! 

A picture of yourself that you love:

Being a grown up.

A few months ago had my dad and I sat down and had the conversation we had today, it probably would not have ended well.  I get a lot of my personality from my dad.  Public speaking doesn't frighten me.  I am hard headed.  I am passionate.  And I procrastinate like crazy.  One of the things I also get from my dad is defensiveness.  Now, my dad doesn't have too much of this anymore because he has allowed God's grace to change his heart from some of the stories I've heard from his childhood and young adulthood.  Me? I'm not yet (but almost) thirty and so God's grace is still growing me in this area.
Today was one of those times where I felt like I'd grown.  I had a moment of clarity where I could look back and see my growth.  My parents and I were having a discussion about our church's recent decision to appoint Deacons and what that looked like.  My dad and I did not exactly share the same viewpoints.  Had this discussion happened even as little as a few months ago, I might have gotten defensive, the conversation would have snowballed straight downhill and I would have stewed for a while.  However, we were able to have a biblically sound discussion on the topic.  We got out our Bibles, we got out commentary, we got out the explanatory paper our Elders wrote on the subject, and we dug.  We still didn't come out on the same side but in those moments I felt my passion start to rise to defensiveness I felt God's grace bring me back down to passionate.
My dad has always taught me to "know what you know what you know".  Today, for one of the first times in my life, I was confronted with exactly what I believe and I was able to back it up Biblically.  I was finally able to know what I believe and to explain that in a respectfully passionate manner.

I mentioned tonight in our community group meeting that for the first time I felt like I really had my own set of beliefs.  Growing up, I'd depended on my parents.  Whatever they said was right and true, WAS right and true to me.  I rode that wave for years, thinking nothing about it.  Today though, I was able to see that I am an adult now.  I have grown in my walk with my Jesus and I am beginning to really "know what I know what I know".  That being said, I am so thankful that I had/have parents who built that foundation for me.  I owe so much of my walk with Jesus to them, and for that fact I will be forever and eternally grateful.    

 

Growing. Fasting.

If you've been around the blog for a while, you'll have read about some of my past.  I've got a history of severe depression and an eating disorder.  I don't shy away from my past and I don't shy away from my present either.  The depression has never really released it's grasp of my mind but the eating disorder is nothing more than a shadow that only shows up when the light is at just the right angle. Thankfully, that doesn't happen often.
Our church home, Exodus, is currently looking for a larger space.  We've been truly blessed by new members and we're continuing to grow every week it seems.  We are looking for a larger space so we can accommodate the numbers and continue to grow.  Our leaders have asked us to choose a day to fast and pray about our space and our future in the sweet town of Belmont.  We've really grown in the community and with the community here.  We know we can expect big things from our Big God.

Fasting is something that I've never been able to do with a pure heart.  There was always an alterior motive.  Fasting was just an excuse not to eat.  A "legitimate" excuse not to eat.  I had long grown tired of making excuses not to eat, so occasionally I would tell people I was fasting and there were no more questions asked.  Shame on me.  Shame on the disease. It's so different now.  My heart is far from pure, it's constantly covered in sin, but my intentions are.  No more do I look forward to a day of fasting so I can have a day of rest from making up excuses.  Now, I look forward to it because it's going to be a day of intentionality.  A day where my body and mind cry out to my Big God, knowing that he is sufficient to sustain me.  I am so thankful for days like this when I can look back and see how sufficient God's grace has been for me.  

 

It must be hard...

It must be hard being three.
A lot of moments of being misunderstood.  A lot of screaming.  A lot of crying.  A lot of changing your mind.  A lot of uncertainty.  A lot of certainty.  A lot of others not understanding that certainty.  A lot of giggles.  A lot of hugs.  A lot of kisses.  A lot of trying to change clothes.  A lot of sleeping with half of your clothes on.  A lot of new discoveries.  A lot of accidents.  A lot of boo-boos.  A lot of saying I'm sorry.  A lot of time outs.  A lot of baby doll strolling.  A lot of singing.  A lot of yelling.  A lot of squealing.  A lot of high heels.  A lot of pretending to be a mommy.  A lot of learning.  A lot of bathtub splashes.  A lot of running around like spiderman.  A lot of picking out clothes.  A lot of reading.  A lot of calling your sister "friend". A lot of "I love you, Mommy".  A lot of "I love you, Daddy".
It must be hard being three but oh, how glorious it must be at the same time.