Thursday, February 28, 2013

Growing. Fasting.

If you've been around the blog for a while, you'll have read about some of my past.  I've got a history of severe depression and an eating disorder.  I don't shy away from my past and I don't shy away from my present either.  The depression has never really released it's grasp of my mind but the eating disorder is nothing more than a shadow that only shows up when the light is at just the right angle. Thankfully, that doesn't happen often.
Our church home, Exodus, is currently looking for a larger space.  We've been truly blessed by new members and we're continuing to grow every week it seems.  We are looking for a larger space so we can accommodate the numbers and continue to grow.  Our leaders have asked us to choose a day to fast and pray about our space and our future in the sweet town of Belmont.  We've really grown in the community and with the community here.  We know we can expect big things from our Big God.
Fasting is something that I've never been able to do with a pure heart.  There was always an alterior motive.  Fasting was just an excuse not to eat.  A "legitimate" excuse not to eat.  I had long grown tired of making excuses not to eat, so occasionally I would tell people I was fasting and there were no more questions asked.  Shame on me.  Shame on the disease. It's so different now.  My heart is far from pure, it's constantly covered in sin, but my intentions are.  No more do I look forward to a day of fasting so I can have a day of rest from making up excuses.  Now, I look forward to it because it's going to be a day of intentionality.  A day where my body and mind cry out to my Big God, knowing that he is sufficient to sustain me.  I am so thankful for days like this when I can look back and see how sufficient God's grace has been for me.  

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