Treading carefully.

So far today I have had 8oz of mango Naked juice w/2 tblsp of Olive Leave supplement (I'm trying to fight a cold),  PJ & Nutella on a wheat English muffin, an iced coffee, a spinach salad with deli turkey, tuna, zucchini, baby tomatoes, and walnuts with Raspberry vinaigrette dressing.  I also had a handful of Cheetos and three sips of a real Coke (which sounded better in my head than it tasted on my tongue).

If you've been around the blog for a little while you will know that I have a history of an eating disorder.  I have had to be very careful while training.  The goal of training for a marathon has nothing to do with weight loss.  I'm actually pretty happy with my weight.  Sure, there are some hotspots I have left after having two kiddos but overall I'm pretty satisfied.  

That being said, I still have to be careful.  Because if I'm not careful moments like right now, right after I've eaten and am feeling full, could be a catalyst for a relapse.  Looking at fitness blogs or through other runners Instagrams have to have a time limit put on them because anything could trigger something unhealthy.  And personally, I don't want to come anywhere close to that road again.  I'm afraid that if I would even glance down that path for longer than five seconds that I would run, not walk, down it.  Scary huh? 

Sharing that with you has a point.  Brian, one of our Pastors at Exodus, spoke about this Sunday about going through "stuff".  We're currently going through a series on Joseph (the pretty coat Joseph, not Jesus' father on earth Joseph).  I mean Joseph was thrown in a tunnel by brothers who wanted to kill him, sold for the equivalent of a cheese pizza, put in jail by a man he trusted, and the list goes on and on...We all go through stuff and when we're going through it there is usually not a lot of light in the tunnel.  When I was going through my stuff, there wasn't even a glimmer of light in that tunnel.  God was nowhere in my story as far as I was concerned.  He turned His back on me, when it was really the other way around.  That being said, I would not change it for a minute.  The stuff I went through, the sheer HELL I went through is going to be similar to somebody else's stuff that I am going to encounter.  People that I have already encountered.  I am who I am today, I know the stuff I know today, I can relate to certain things today because of my past.  I might not have been able to see that glimmer in the dark during those time but I am trusting and loving my God, my Savior through those dark times and I wouldn't trade them for anything.