It was easy peesey at first. Kyra latched beautifully and the only issue was keeping her awake long enough to nurse the recommended 15 on each side. The older she gets the more difficult it becomes. When we got home from the hospital we started getting into our own little groove. Her stomach couldn't hold/wouldn't hold more then 10 minutes of straight nursing. This became her norm. This became a blessing and a curse all at the same time. Kyra got a full belly, I got to go back to bed sooner but my girls started adjusting to her 10 minute feedings. Problem number 1.
Obviously she's growing, baby girl gained 2 lbs and an inch and a quarter in a month. Something isn't quite right with our nursing though. I'm not sure if it's being distracted by Teagan, her surroundings are starting to get to her or she wants more but she just isn't used to staying on longer then 10 minutes. Honestly, I have no idea what's going on. She nurses fine for about 7 minutes and then starts to get restless. I make sure to burp her so there aren't any big bubbles preventing her from nursing to her full potential but that hasn't seemed to help. I know I can't force her to eat. Trust me. That is NOT happening. She will clamp down tight and shake her sweet little head from side to side in blatant refusal. Problem number 2.
I go back to work in a few weeks and Kyra will be taking a bottle. I'm actually concerned she's going to go one of two ways with it. Either she is going to flat out refuse to take a bottle or she's going to love it and prefer it over the breast. Problem number 3. Unfortunately the first one is the worst of the two evils. I can't just not go to work because she won't take a bottle. I'm not really sure what would happen at that point. So, I'm pretty nervous about it. The lesser of the two evils is that she prefers the bottle to the breast. If that becomes the case then I will pump like a crazy person and give her breast milk as long as I can.
Honestly, I'm not as freaked out about the formula as I was with Teagan. I've already told Josh if something goes wrong or if we have to supplement with formula then I'm not going to beat myself up about it. Teagan had to supplement some during the last 3-4 mths and she didn't grow an arm out of her head.
I do hope to breastfeed Kyra a year like I did with Teagan. Even though I've been through this once with Teagan, every baby is different. Any suggestions from those more experienced then me?
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Wordless Wednesday
Okay, so there are a few words for this. We tend to pick our battles with Teagan in this house. There are things we're just not going to argue about. Like Teagan's clothes. We usually let Teagan pick out her own clothes and we go with it. Some days she loves the shoes she picked out so much that she sleeps in them. Another battle we just wave the white flag at.
Today she picked out her outfit. Some days it's a hit and some days it's a miss. Either way she's a happy Little Bear headed to school in the outfit of her choosing.
*we linked up with The Paper Mama, 5 minutes for mom dot com and And then, she snapped for Wordless Wednesday! Go check it out!*
Today she picked out her outfit. Some days it's a hit and some days it's a miss. Either way she's a happy Little Bear headed to school in the outfit of her choosing.
*we linked up with The Paper Mama, 5 minutes for mom dot com and And then, she snapped for Wordless Wednesday! Go check it out!*
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Feet.
It's seriously the simple things these days that make me happy. Sure, there are things I want for Christmas that I will have to wait YEARS before I can call mine but for now the simple things will do. Honestly, I probably prefer them...
Like every night when Josh crawls into bed next to me. Somehow our feet always find each other. Whether I'm all the way asleep or still half awake waiting on Kyra to stir our feet touch and lock for the night. When I get back in bed from feeding her in the mornings our feet find their way to each other all over again. When we bring Teagan to bed on Saturday morning's, because none of us want to get up yet and Kyra is still sleeping, our feet find each other on either side of Teagan. Almost as if they complete a circle of protection. We made this and she's ours. We can't wait until Kyra is old enough to come in that circle and cuddle up with us on Saturday mornings. Then our circle will be complete. It's comforting and amazing. It's simple.
Like every night when Josh crawls into bed next to me. Somehow our feet always find each other. Whether I'm all the way asleep or still half awake waiting on Kyra to stir our feet touch and lock for the night. When I get back in bed from feeding her in the mornings our feet find their way to each other all over again. When we bring Teagan to bed on Saturday morning's, because none of us want to get up yet and Kyra is still sleeping, our feet find each other on either side of Teagan. Almost as if they complete a circle of protection. We made this and she's ours. We can't wait until Kyra is old enough to come in that circle and cuddle up with us on Saturday mornings. Then our circle will be complete. It's comforting and amazing. It's simple.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Ella's Kitchen
Can I just tell you how much we LOVE Ella's kitchen products? At the risk of sounding like a teenage girl, OMG. Teagan is almost 2 and we still use them. Who needs crackers when you have these pouches of sweet nutritional goodness?
Let me just tell you a few things about Ella's Kitchen products.
A sweet daddy, Ella's daddy, started the company when he wanted to make yummy food that was also good for his kiddos. The actual products have no added sugar, salt or preservatives. No egg, wheat OR gluten. They come in handy BPA free packaging. The food is %100 organic and Orthodox Union Kosher, which I didn't realize until today. We usually find the yumminess at Target or Babies-R-Us but you can find it at Kroger and buybuyBaby as well.
If you want to keep updated on whats going on in the Ella's kitchen, kitchen, just like them on facebook or sign up on ellaskitchen.com for their newsletter.
Usually I make my own baby food but it's not always possible and now that we're on baby number two I'm going to have less time then I did with Teagan. That doesn't mean I don't want Kyra to eat as good as Teagan did. So, I have a feeling we will be turning to Ella's kitchen quite often when Kyra gets to that stage in her life. I'm sure Teagan will be snacking on a pouch or two at the same time!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Dearest Teagan
Dearest Teagan,
My sweet little girl. I guess I can't call you a baby any longer because you're not. You are a full blown toddler, not quite in age but definitely in spirit. You are truly coming into your own and I continue to be amazed. You have a mixture of mine and your daddy's personalities which eventually will be a good thing. Right now it's conflictual and sometimes causes fits of misunderstanding.
Your curiosity definitely comes from your daddy. You want to know how everything works no matter how messy or how long it takes. You get focused and that is it. It's hard to tear you away from that thought you're pondering or the item you're trying to master. Even if we manage to get your attention away for a minute your thoughts go right back to the original. You also have your daddy's strong will. Sweet girl, I'm mixed on my happiness of this one. You and daddy are going to be a force to be reckoned with as you grow up. I have a feeling you and daddy are going to be like me and Papaw. The teenage years are going to be rocky but your love for your daddy will never waiver because he is a good man and you will grow up respecting him. I pray you have enough of me in you that you can curb your strong will and compliment your daddy's instead of fighting against it.
Your love for others, especially our family and friends, brings tears to my eyes if I let myself think about it enough. Every night your prayers continue to get longer because you don't want to forget somebody. And you are so matter of fact in your naming of all your loved ones. There is never any question who you are praying for. Your hands even go together and your mouth sweetly calls out "Pray Mommy" when we pass an ambulance, a firetruck or a police car. And as I pray you pray with me; the words coming out softer then a whisper with a loud AMEN at the end. The innocence you have right now is something I wish for you to not outgrow. Naive and innocent are two different things. I don't want you to be naive because that can be misused and abused. I want you to keep your innocence as long as you can.
I know I've said this before but your love you've shown for Kyra has been more then your daddy and I can imagine. You've taken to her like a champ. And I am so proud of you. I know it's been hard. It's been hard for all of us. Completely worth it, but hard. I know you're used to having me all to yourself and when you want me and I'm in the middle of feeding Kyra or rocking her to calm her and I can only give you half of me, if even, that it upsets you. Understandably so. Honestly it upsets me sometimes too. It upsets me that I don't have four arms and two chests instead of two and one. I want you to know that just because my body can't give you what you need all the time that my heart always will. My heart has divided into three parts and one of those parts is just for you. Nobody else can have it. And I will never give it away. I pray you can always hold on to that. Even as you get older. Especially as you get older.
I love you my Little Bear. As bittersweet as it is for me as a mommy I can't wait to watch you continue to grow. To learn. To experience things in a way not like anybody else's. I pray you continue to thrive and love and explore. And anytime you fall, just know Daddy and I will be here to catch you. Always.
Forever and Always,
Mommy
My sweet little girl. I guess I can't call you a baby any longer because you're not. You are a full blown toddler, not quite in age but definitely in spirit. You are truly coming into your own and I continue to be amazed. You have a mixture of mine and your daddy's personalities which eventually will be a good thing. Right now it's conflictual and sometimes causes fits of misunderstanding.
Your curiosity definitely comes from your daddy. You want to know how everything works no matter how messy or how long it takes. You get focused and that is it. It's hard to tear you away from that thought you're pondering or the item you're trying to master. Even if we manage to get your attention away for a minute your thoughts go right back to the original. You also have your daddy's strong will. Sweet girl, I'm mixed on my happiness of this one. You and daddy are going to be a force to be reckoned with as you grow up. I have a feeling you and daddy are going to be like me and Papaw. The teenage years are going to be rocky but your love for your daddy will never waiver because he is a good man and you will grow up respecting him. I pray you have enough of me in you that you can curb your strong will and compliment your daddy's instead of fighting against it.
Your love for others, especially our family and friends, brings tears to my eyes if I let myself think about it enough. Every night your prayers continue to get longer because you don't want to forget somebody. And you are so matter of fact in your naming of all your loved ones. There is never any question who you are praying for. Your hands even go together and your mouth sweetly calls out "Pray Mommy" when we pass an ambulance, a firetruck or a police car. And as I pray you pray with me; the words coming out softer then a whisper with a loud AMEN at the end. The innocence you have right now is something I wish for you to not outgrow. Naive and innocent are two different things. I don't want you to be naive because that can be misused and abused. I want you to keep your innocence as long as you can.
I know I've said this before but your love you've shown for Kyra has been more then your daddy and I can imagine. You've taken to her like a champ. And I am so proud of you. I know it's been hard. It's been hard for all of us. Completely worth it, but hard. I know you're used to having me all to yourself and when you want me and I'm in the middle of feeding Kyra or rocking her to calm her and I can only give you half of me, if even, that it upsets you. Understandably so. Honestly it upsets me sometimes too. It upsets me that I don't have four arms and two chests instead of two and one. I want you to know that just because my body can't give you what you need all the time that my heart always will. My heart has divided into three parts and one of those parts is just for you. Nobody else can have it. And I will never give it away. I pray you can always hold on to that. Even as you get older. Especially as you get older.
I love you my Little Bear. As bittersweet as it is for me as a mommy I can't wait to watch you continue to grow. To learn. To experience things in a way not like anybody else's. I pray you continue to thrive and love and explore. And anytime you fall, just know Daddy and I will be here to catch you. Always.
Forever and Always,
Mommy
Friday, December 2, 2011
Tears.
I finally jumped on the Pinterest wagon today. I am in LOVE with it although I will have to ration my time spent on the site due to "I need to have it, why can't I have it" issues.
The only thing I didn't like was no fault of the websites. It was when I clicked on the "fitness" link. Thinking I could find some good little tips on how to get rid of the rest of the baby weight. The healthy way. I was instantly taken back to my days on my first real blog. My first real blog was a journey through my anorexia and depression. It was a blog full of darkness and self-hatred. Phrases like "do it for the gap between your thighs" or "Do it because you'd rather love yourself later then hate yourself when the full feeling sets in" popped out from the screen at me. I began to cry. Not big blubbering sobs but the kind of tears that just roll down your face in a constant stream. It took me back to those days of self-hatred and darkness. It reminded me of just how sick I was. It reminded me that just because I stopped blogging like that doesn't mean it went away. There are a ton of women and girls who continue to blog on "pro-ana" sites, there were even ladies who died from anorexia or suicide when I was blogging back then.
It just made me take a step back. It's everywhere. The constant messages of perfection and not being good enough. These messages have even made their way to a website like Pinterest. If these messages can make it there then they have the ability to creep into every aspect of our lives. That sounds kind of paranoid but I'm not being paranoid. I am being realistic. I have TWO daughters now. Two beautiful girls who are going to face what I had to face in regards to the messages they will be getting. I can only pray that Josh & I are able to combat those messages with those of love and self-appreciation.
The only thing I didn't like was no fault of the websites. It was when I clicked on the "fitness" link. Thinking I could find some good little tips on how to get rid of the rest of the baby weight. The healthy way. I was instantly taken back to my days on my first real blog. My first real blog was a journey through my anorexia and depression. It was a blog full of darkness and self-hatred. Phrases like "do it for the gap between your thighs" or "Do it because you'd rather love yourself later then hate yourself when the full feeling sets in" popped out from the screen at me. I began to cry. Not big blubbering sobs but the kind of tears that just roll down your face in a constant stream. It took me back to those days of self-hatred and darkness. It reminded me of just how sick I was. It reminded me that just because I stopped blogging like that doesn't mean it went away. There are a ton of women and girls who continue to blog on "pro-ana" sites, there were even ladies who died from anorexia or suicide when I was blogging back then.
It just made me take a step back. It's everywhere. The constant messages of perfection and not being good enough. These messages have even made their way to a website like Pinterest. If these messages can make it there then they have the ability to creep into every aspect of our lives. That sounds kind of paranoid but I'm not being paranoid. I am being realistic. I have TWO daughters now. Two beautiful girls who are going to face what I had to face in regards to the messages they will be getting. I can only pray that Josh & I are able to combat those messages with those of love and self-appreciation.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
It lasted a month.
We made it a month before the jealousy started. My poor sweet Teagan wants her mommy. me. all the time. Occasionally Mamaw will do but for the most part Teagan wants my undivided attention. It rips me apart. It's been a little hard to adjust my mindset to the fact that there are two sweet girls that need my attention now not just one. I find myself occasionally trying to take them both on at the same time. One on one hip and the other in the crook of my other arm. It's exhausting and frustrating all at the same time.
My sweet husband tries to help but right now it's hard and I know frustrating for him. I am Kyra's main caregiver right now basically because I provide her with nutrition and she's with me during the day and night so she favors me. Teagan is realizing she doesn't always have my undivided attention and that is something she wants back so she only wants me right now. My heart hurts when I see Teagan kicking and screaming for me when Josh is trying to comfort her. I see hurt in his eyes and my heart breaks for him. It will be better soon, it's just something Teagan is going to have to go through but it doesn't make it any easier on him right now. I know how hard it's been for me the times she's been with just me and screams for her daddy. It breaks my heart so I know his is breaking too.
Thankfully, this jealousy has not turned into resentment towards Kyra. Teagan still loves on Kyra and wants to hold her hand and kiss and hug her. We pray this is how it remains. That Teagan will not hold resentment (in her toddler way) towards her sister.
We have definitely come through the "honeymoon phase" of having 2 under 2 and now reality is kicking in. We don't regret having Kyra in ANY WAY but we are now beginning the real learning process of how we are going to live with this new normal of ours. Thankfully we have an amazing support system. I know this will work itself out. It's just surviving the working itself out part.
My sweet husband tries to help but right now it's hard and I know frustrating for him. I am Kyra's main caregiver right now basically because I provide her with nutrition and she's with me during the day and night so she favors me. Teagan is realizing she doesn't always have my undivided attention and that is something she wants back so she only wants me right now. My heart hurts when I see Teagan kicking and screaming for me when Josh is trying to comfort her. I see hurt in his eyes and my heart breaks for him. It will be better soon, it's just something Teagan is going to have to go through but it doesn't make it any easier on him right now. I know how hard it's been for me the times she's been with just me and screams for her daddy. It breaks my heart so I know his is breaking too.
Thankfully, this jealousy has not turned into resentment towards Kyra. Teagan still loves on Kyra and wants to hold her hand and kiss and hug her. We pray this is how it remains. That Teagan will not hold resentment (in her toddler way) towards her sister.
We have definitely come through the "honeymoon phase" of having 2 under 2 and now reality is kicking in. We don't regret having Kyra in ANY WAY but we are now beginning the real learning process of how we are going to live with this new normal of ours. Thankfully we have an amazing support system. I know this will work itself out. It's just surviving the working itself out part.
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