Favorites from the weekend.

Guess what this is! 

What, Mom?

Sisters. 

Walking! 

Kisses!

Sassy. 

Teagan sent Lion to "big girl school" with Mommy.

Cookie time!

Nutella and peanut butter! 

We HAD to add sprinkles.

Excited about those sprinkles!

Watch out world. Here come the Reid girls.

Kyra's turn!

Makeshift seatbelt.

Whoa, Teagan! 

She's going to have that look at 16. I just know it.

Giggles

Strollin'

Love, God.

Napping on Mommy!

Dress up!

4 months.

I think we have seen the biggest change in Kyra over the last few weeks.  Her personality is really starting to evolve.  Her face lights up when Teagan, Daddy or Mommy come into the room and especially when we talk directly to her.  When Teagan is sitting or laying down next to her she roles over on her side just to see her better.  It is adorable and of course Teagan just eats it up!

We went to the doctor for her well check and 4 month shots and she did excellent.  She didn't cry except for the minute or two after she got her shots and then she was just fine!  So fine she fell asleep.  She was 24 inches long but only 12lbs 2oz...that means she has only gained a pound a month since she was born.  She was in the 20th percentile weight wise but the 46th percentile height wise.  Dr. B and I decided Kyra would come back in March for a weight check.  We're still keeping the appointment but we had to go back to the doctor with Kyra the Friday of her well check and she'd gained 6 oz in a week (more on that later). 

Kyra is in a size 2 diaper and I have a feeling she will be in size 2 for a while.  We have started using cloth diapers at night now.  They look hilarious on her though because she is so little!

Kyra recently started sleeping unswaddled.  I thought it was going to be a rough transition but she has rocked it.  She started breaking out, getting frustrated and getting upset about a week ago so we decided to start the sleep sack. She has actually slept a little longer unswaddled.  We also have been putting her in her crib awake since she was a month and a half (she didn't like to be cuddled) and she would put herself to sleep.  I thought that was partly because of the swaddle.  We've done the same thing with her in the sleep sack we just lay a hand on her stomach for a few minutes and she's good to go!  She has been sleeping from 7:15ish-5-6ish in the morning.

Kyra is still in 3 month clothes but can wear some 3-6 month onesies.  I think she is going down the same path Teagan did size wise so I hope that will play in our favor in regards to not having to buy a lot of new clothes. 

She is doing really well at "school".  She, like Teagan is one of the few favorites.  She is really easy going and laid back.  I think that is part her personality and part she has to put up with her big sister and has just learned to go with the flow through her temper tantrums.  So, a crying baby isn't going to bother her too much. 

Kyra doesn't "talk" quite as much as Teagan did at this age.  She talks a lot when she and I or she and Josh have her one on one but if Teagan is in the room she just usually lays back and watches her instead of trying to compete.  I have a feeling that will change as she gets older. Kyra Mae might just give Teagan a run for her money. 

Kyra is now bottle fed for every feeing except the first feeding of the morning.  Sadly, I think that might be replaced with a bottle soon too.  Feedings just weren't going well for the two of us and that effected my supply to the point she wasn't getting enough.  I continue to pump at work about every hour and a half but I am starting to get less and less.  She has taken to the formula well and we will continue to do half and half as long as we can.  I do have to admit the feedings at night have been so much better now that I'm giving her a bottle.  She snuggles in and gets sleey vs. when we were nursing and I was rocking and bobbing and squatting and...well, everything but standing on my head.  It is now a bonding experience instead of a frustrating one.  I am sad and sometimes get angry at my body for "failing" me but for the most part I have had to accept it an move on.  We did the very best we could.  Like, you have no idea what we did to try and keep breastfeeding...whew.

We will probably start solids around the 5 month mark because that is when we started Teagan on them.  She hasn't started looking longingly at our food just yet at the table so we'll wait and see when that happens! 

We are all ready for the next chapter in this adventure of a family of four!! We are really looking forward to the weather getting consistenly warm so we can throw down a blanket in the front yard and have dinner or take a walk sans blanket before time for bed.  Warm weather, hurry please!

Just going through the motions.

Remember when I was pregnant I wrote about being concerned about bonding with Kyra?  Worrying about just going through the motions and not connecting with her emotionally?  Worrying about resenting her a little because our normal would change so drastically?  Worrying about not having enough time with Teagan because I was tending to a newborn? All of that happened, just like I worried about.  All of that happened until yesterday.  Yesterday, it finally clicked.  (Honestly, this is going to play out like a scene from cheesey Hallmark movie but pour you a glass of your favorite beverage and bare with me.)
Until yesterday there were many times through the day where I would get emotionally frustrated at Kyra and have to take a deep breath.  Knowing I had to do what I was doing to care for her.  Only being there for her physically though, not emotionally.  Sure, there were probably more times when I was talking to her and loving on her then I can recall but the ones where I was emotionally absent are the ones that stick out in my mind.  I would get frustrated and feel shut off from family and friends when I had to go to another room to breastfeed.  Partly because I'm still not comfortable breastfeeding under that stupid udder cover and partly because Kyra gets distracted easily when she's eating.  I would go and sit in another room by myself and just stew thinking of all I was missing.  Not realizing I was missing a whole lot more by not really paying attention to Kyra.  Getting upset when Teagan wanted me and I couldn't do anything about it because I had to feed Kyra or calm her down.  Thinking Kyra was getting in the way of my relationship with Teagan. Putting on a brave face for everybody because I knew I should feel and act blessed even when I felt more burdened at times.  Knowing people would understand if I asked for help but being too full of pride to ask for it.  Even from my husband most days.  I was just going through the motions. 
Then yesterday happened.  I was working with maybe 3 good hours of sleep from the night before.  I was exhausted and just running on adrenaline.  I didn't even have caffeine to put in my system and I was so desperate I almost put Kyra in her car seat and ran out to get some.  Anyway, I was on the verge of tears.  Kyra had been kinda fussy and nursing hadn't gone as well as I'd liked it to even though she had a full belly I had a full left boob.  I decided to slow down.  I leaned over Kyra, who was on our bed, and she smiled at me.  Full on gummy and bright eyed smile.  After the way I'd been most of her life, just doing what I felt like I had to do as a mom, just going through the motions, she still loved me in spite of myself.  She loves her mommy and I am her mommy.  I lost it.  I started sobbing.  All I could do was cry and pick her up and tell her how much I loved her.  That I was sorry I'd been kinda crappy the last month and that I would do better.  I told her I loved her and how sorry I was over and over again.
Have I been struggling with postpartum depression? Maybe? I don't think it was a constant thing.  So I think I had more of severe baby blues then full on depression.  I've struggled in the past with depression and so Josh watched me like a hawk but I'm even so good sometimes that I can fool him.  Thankfully, I think the hormones have finally started to regulate themselves and I'm feeling more happy and emotionally available to both my girls now.  I didn't have to go through it alone and I shouldn't have.  Being the prideful human that I am I did.  If you feel similar to the way I did don't go through it alone.  It's hell but it's an avoidable hell.  Talk to somebody.  Ask for help.  Shoot me an e-mail if you need to. 

Feet.

It's seriously the simple things these days that make me happy. Sure, there are things I want for Christmas that I will have to wait YEARS before I can call mine but for now the simple things will do.  Honestly, I probably prefer them...
Like every night when Josh crawls into bed next to me.  Somehow our feet always find each other. Whether I'm all the way asleep or still half awake waiting on Kyra to stir our feet touch and lock for the night.  When I get back in bed from feeding her in the mornings our feet find their way to each other all over again.  When we bring Teagan to bed on Saturday morning's, because none of us want to get up yet and Kyra is still sleeping, our feet find each other on either side of Teagan.  Almost as if they complete a circle of protection.  We made this and she's ours.  We can't wait until Kyra is old enough to come in that circle and cuddle up with us on Saturday mornings.  Then our circle will be complete.  It's comforting and amazing.  It's simple.

Seborrheic dermatitis

The baby acne did not take over our sweet girl. Something called seborrheic dermatitis did.  The doctor explained it as "like cradle cap for the whole body".  Basically it's got to work it's way all the way to Kyra's feet and then it goes away.  How long it will take to works itself through the system varies so she couldn't help me there.  I was relieved when she told me it was nothing I had done or eaten that caused it.  We could use a cortisone cream to relieve some of the redness but there is basically nothing else we can do for it. 

Let me just tell you, this stuff moves fast! Hopefully it will continue to move quickly and get through her system (it definitely bothers me more then her, I want to "fix it").  We had assumed it was baby acne for about a week and then it started to over take her.  Yesterday within an HOUR it had moved all the way down to her neck so I called the doctor.  It was unlike anything I'd ever seen. 


On the poop report Kyra is just fine.  The doctor said Kyra's bowels were just changing but they were moving beautifully (she said as she had the stethoscope against Kyra's belly).  Thankfully though, they had taken her temperature so within 30 minutes of getting home Kyra's bowels moved. Thank you thermometer! haha! 

Teagan meets Kyra

We were actually kind of anxious about Teagan meeting Kyra because she has a tendency to be very "that's MY mommy" whenever I pay attention to other babies. I was beyond amazed, and continue to be, at how she took to Kyra. She first met her on Saturday when we got home from the hospital. Teagan stayed with Josh's parents while we were in the hospital so Grandma brought her by to meet Kyra.  She was so excited to see her! She had to make sure she had hands and feet and diapers and that she stayed covered and didn't get cold. Then she was over it and started to play with all the "stuff".

 

 

Teagan has continued to adjust well to her new baby sister. Kyra's crying doesn't phase her and her temper tantrums don't phase Kyra. Teagan hugs and kisses Kyra more then she does anybody else and has to say "night-night" and "mornin'" to her every day. We are truly blessed with two amazingly sweet and beautiful girls.