Ella's Kitchen

Can I just tell you how much we LOVE Ella's kitchen products?  At the risk of sounding like a teenage girl, OMG. Teagan is almost 2 and we still use them.  Who needs crackers when you have these pouches of sweet nutritional goodness?
Let me just tell you a few things about Ella's Kitchen products.
A sweet daddy, Ella's daddy, started the company when he wanted to make yummy food that was also good for his kiddos.  The actual products have no added sugar, salt or preservatives.  No egg, wheat OR gluten.  They come in handy BPA free packaging.  The food is %100 organic and Orthodox Union Kosher, which I didn't realize until today. We usually find the yumminess at Target or Babies-R-Us but you can find it at Kroger and buybuyBaby as well.  
If you want to keep updated on whats going on in the Ella's kitchen, kitchen, just like them on facebook or sign up on ellaskitchen.com for their newsletter. 
Usually I make my own baby food but it's not always possible and now that we're on baby number two I'm going to have less time then I did with Teagan.  That doesn't mean I don't want Kyra to eat as good as Teagan did.  So, I have a feeling we will be turning to Ella's kitchen quite often when Kyra gets to that stage in her life.  I'm sure Teagan will be snacking on a pouch or two at the same time!

Dearest Teagan

Dearest Teagan,
My sweet little girl.  I guess I can't call you a baby any longer because you're not.  You are a full blown toddler, not quite in age but definitely in spirit.  You are truly coming into your own and I continue to be amazed.  You have a mixture of mine and your daddy's personalities which eventually will be a good thing.  Right now it's conflictual and sometimes causes fits of misunderstanding. 
Your curiosity definitely comes from your daddy.  You want to know how everything works no matter how messy or how long it takes.  You get focused and that is it.  It's hard to tear you away from that thought you're pondering or the item you're trying to master.  Even if we manage to get your attention away for a minute your thoughts go right back to the original.  You also have your daddy's strong will.  Sweet girl, I'm mixed on my happiness of this one.  You and daddy are going to be a force to be reckoned with as you grow up.  I have a feeling you and daddy are going to be like me and Papaw.  The teenage years are going to be rocky but your love for your daddy will never waiver because he is a good man and you will grow up respecting him.  I pray you have enough of me in you that you can curb your strong will and compliment your daddy's instead of fighting against it. 
Your love for others, especially our family and friends, brings tears to my eyes if I let myself think about it enough.  Every night your prayers continue to get longer because you don't want to forget somebody.  And you are so matter of fact in your naming of all your loved ones.  There is never any question who you are praying for.  Your hands even go together and your mouth sweetly calls out "Pray Mommy" when we pass an ambulance, a firetruck or a police car.  And as I pray you pray with me; the words coming out softer then a whisper with a loud AMEN at the end.  The innocence you have right now is something I wish for you to not outgrow.  Naive and innocent are two different things. I don't want you to be naive because that can be misused and abused.  I want you to keep your innocence as long as you can. 
I know I've said this before but your love you've shown for Kyra has been more then your daddy and I can imagine.  You've taken to her like a champ.  And I am so proud of you.  I know it's been hard.  It's been hard for all of us.  Completely worth it, but hard.  I know you're used to having me all to yourself and when you want me and I'm in the middle of feeding Kyra or rocking her to calm her and I can only give you half of me, if even, that it upsets you.  Understandably so.  Honestly it upsets me sometimes too.  It upsets me that I don't have four arms and two chests instead of two and one.  I want you to know that just because my body can't give you what you need all the time that my heart always will.  My heart has divided into three parts and one of those parts is just for you. Nobody else can have it.  And I will never give it away.  I pray you can always hold on to that.  Even as you get older. Especially as you get older.
I love you my Little Bear.  As bittersweet as it is for me as a mommy I can't wait to watch you continue to grow. To learn. To experience things in a way not like anybody else's.  I pray you continue to thrive and love and explore. And anytime you fall, just know Daddy and I will be here to catch you. Always.


Forever and Always,
Mommy

Tears.

I finally jumped on the Pinterest wagon today.  I am in LOVE with it although I will have to ration my time spent on the site due to "I need to have it, why can't I have it" issues.
The only thing I didn't like was no fault of the websites.  It was when I clicked on the "fitness" link.  Thinking I could find some good little tips on how to get rid of the rest of the baby weight. The healthy way.  I was instantly taken back to my days on my first real blog.  My first real blog was a journey through my anorexia and depression.  It was a blog full of darkness and self-hatred.  Phrases like "do it for the gap between your thighs" or "Do it because you'd rather love yourself later then hate yourself when the full feeling sets in" popped out from the screen at me.  I began to cry.  Not big blubbering sobs but the kind of tears that just roll down your face in a constant stream.  It took me back to those days of self-hatred and darkness.  It reminded me of just how sick I was.  It reminded me that just because I stopped blogging like that doesn't mean it went away.  There are a ton of women and girls who continue to blog on "pro-ana" sites, there were even ladies who died from anorexia or suicide when I was blogging back then. 
It just made me take a step back.  It's everywhere.  The constant messages of perfection and not being good enough.  These messages have even made their way to a website like Pinterest.  If these messages can make it there then they have the ability to creep into every aspect of our lives.  That sounds kind of paranoid but I'm not being paranoid.  I am being realistic.  I have TWO daughters now.  Two beautiful girls who are going to face what I had to face in regards to the messages they will be getting.  I can only pray that Josh & I are able to combat those messages with those of love and self-appreciation.

It lasted a month.

We made it a month before the jealousy started.  My poor sweet Teagan wants her mommy. me. all the time.  Occasionally Mamaw will do but for the most part Teagan wants my undivided attention.  It rips me apart.  It's been a little hard to adjust my mindset to the fact that there are two sweet girls that need my attention now not just one.  I find myself occasionally trying to take them both on at the same time.  One on one hip and the other in the crook of my other arm.  It's exhausting and frustrating all at the same time. 
My sweet husband tries to help but right now it's hard and I know frustrating for him.  I am Kyra's main caregiver right now basically because I provide her with nutrition and she's with me during the day and night so she favors me.  Teagan is realizing she doesn't always have my undivided attention and that is something she wants back so she only wants me right now.  My heart hurts when I see Teagan kicking and screaming for me when Josh is trying to comfort her.  I see hurt in his eyes and my heart breaks for him.  It will be better soon, it's just something Teagan is going to have to go through but it doesn't make it any easier on him right now.  I know how hard it's been for me the times she's been with just me and screams for her daddy.  It breaks my heart so I know his is breaking too.
Thankfully, this jealousy has not turned into resentment towards Kyra.  Teagan still loves on Kyra and wants to hold her hand and kiss and hug her.  We pray this is how it remains.  That Teagan will not hold resentment (in her toddler way) towards her sister. 
We have definitely come through the "honeymoon phase" of having 2 under 2 and now reality is kicking in.  We don't regret having Kyra in ANY WAY but we are now beginning the real learning process of how we are going to live with this new normal of ours.  Thankfully we have an amazing support system.  I know this will work itself out. It's just surviving the working itself out part.

Pregnancy weight.

I recently read an article on Babble about losing pregnancy weight and the stigma that is attached to it.  I agreed and disagreed at the same time.
I agree the media and society harp too much on how quickly a woman should lose pregnancy weight.  The celebrities are back in their bikinis with bikini bodies within 6 weeks of giving birth.  Most women aren't even released by their doctor until 6 weeks.  How they do it, I'm not sure.  I can't imagine the pressure most of them are under. 
On the other hand women who DO lose their pregnancy weight quickly should not be ridiculed either. Especially us unfamous women.  I have 5 more lbs to lose before I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  Have I worked out? No. Have I restricted my diet? No. Am I nursing? Yes. Am I running around after a toddler? Yes. Am I eating like a normal person and not using the fact that I am breastfeeding as an excuse to eat a ton of food? Yes.  I'm not sorry for it. I'm pretty excited about it.  I tried my entire pregnancy to keep my weight gain within a healthy range and I did.  I gained 32 lbs.  So, yes, I have lost almost 30lbs in a month.  With Teagan I gained almost 80lbs.  It was completely unhealthy and took a year to lose.  I vowed not to go down that road again.  Next week I will start working out, if the doctor releases me and I will lose the 5lbs and then some (I was in the process of losing a few pounds when I got pregnant).  I will not feel guilty about it. I will work my butt off and come June when Josh and I get away for our 5 year anniversary I will look like a smokin' hot mama in a bikini for my hubs.

Yoga

pic via Google Image search.

Next week I go to the doctor in hopes of getting the invaluable "all clear".  That all clear encompasses many things; one of them being exercise and starting the task of toning these tummy muscles back up!  I am going to wait until January to start running again but in the mean time I will look to my always loyal Yoga. 
I started doing Yoga in college and fell in love with it. Honestly, I know nothing about the background and spirituality of it I just know I love the movements and the flow of the exercise itself.  I know that even if I have been lazy or unable to work out for weeks and can't touch my toes anymore that doing one session of Yoga has me back able to put both palms back on the floor.
I have taken classes and used videos and tried the Yoga card things but I found the best for me was either a class or a video.  Since I have zero time or money AND there are no classes I know of around our area I use a video. 
I've tried quite a few videos but always fall back to the one I started with. Now, don't laugh even though it is kind of funny.  I use the MTV Yoga dvd.  I first bought it as a VHS and then bought the dvd version last year.  It's a great workout.  It's a little fast paced for beginners so if you try it make sure you watch it first (I suggest you do that with all your workout dvds) and then try the movements. 
I cannot wait until next week! And of course not just for the exercise, give me a little credit.

Seborrheic dermatitis

The baby acne did not take over our sweet girl. Something called seborrheic dermatitis did.  The doctor explained it as "like cradle cap for the whole body".  Basically it's got to work it's way all the way to Kyra's feet and then it goes away.  How long it will take to works itself through the system varies so she couldn't help me there.  I was relieved when she told me it was nothing I had done or eaten that caused it.  We could use a cortisone cream to relieve some of the redness but there is basically nothing else we can do for it. 

Let me just tell you, this stuff moves fast! Hopefully it will continue to move quickly and get through her system (it definitely bothers me more then her, I want to "fix it").  We had assumed it was baby acne for about a week and then it started to over take her.  Yesterday within an HOUR it had moved all the way down to her neck so I called the doctor.  It was unlike anything I'd ever seen. 


On the poop report Kyra is just fine.  The doctor said Kyra's bowels were just changing but they were moving beautifully (she said as she had the stethoscope against Kyra's belly).  Thankfully though, they had taken her temperature so within 30 minutes of getting home Kyra's bowels moved. Thank you thermometer! haha!