I don't want to know Jesus. Ever.

I can imagine your reaction right now. Perhaps your eyebrow raised (my right one goes up) or your head is tilted or you leaned into the computer screen or your phone with your brow furrowed to make sure you read the title of the post correctly. Just give me a minute to explain though because after you finish reading you might just agree with me.
We are going through the book of Mark; specifically this morning we went through Mark 6. This morning Mark 6:1-6 jumped out off the page and did a little dance on my heart. This is a passage that talks about familiarity with Jesus. Like hometown, watched Him grow up and work hard with His earthly father as a carpenter across the street from your parent's bake shop familiar. Jesus went back there; to a place where everyone still saw that timid, well-behaved, listen to His parents, kid. They did not have the image of a man who calms a storm, heals the sick, and sends demons into a herd of pigs that then runs over a cliff and drowns. They are so familiar with Him that they couldn't come to terms with who He really was/is. They were so familiar with Him that they missed Him. Y'all he marveled at their unbelief. MARVELED. They scoffed at this Man; the one they had watched grow up who was now proclaiming to be the Messiah they'd been preparing for. The Messiah that had been proclaimed in Isaiah; He was there right in front of them. Yet He marveled because they did not believe Him to be who He said.
 I don't want to be those hometown people but too often I am. I grew up with Jesus everywhere; in my books, on my t-shirts, on my pencils and on my wrists. I got gold stars and awards at camp because I "memorized" the most Bible verses. I "knew" Jesus; He was familiar to me.
I don't want to know Him anymore. I want to learn Him, continuously. I don't want to be familiar with Jesus. Familiar in this particular context meaning complacent, meaning never seeking truth, meaning making my Jesus marvel.

I don't want Jesus to marvel at me in the way He did the people of His hometown. So, if it takes me not "knowing" my Jesus then so be it.

 

Starting over.

A few months ago, I basically put my running shoes in the closet and looked at them with disgust every time I walked in the closet. I thought I was over the fact that my IT band became my nemesis during my first marathon and that I'd had to bow out, not so gracefully, 10 miles before the finish line. And physically, I believe I was good a few weeks after. However, I did not take into account the psychological and emotional toll that failure would take on my body. I thought I was going to just bounce right back into training but that was not the case. It was not until the last few days that I felt even close to prepared to start again. And I am finding out that is exactly what I'm doing. Starting over. It's not easy and it feels almost like I've never ran before. However, days like today, made me remember what my body is capable of. My body is ready to get back on the proverbial track but most importantly I think my emotions and my pride have healed enough to start over. And start over we will do...

Oh conviction.

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you wallowed? Where you felt that nothing was right, everything in your life was turned against you and everybody else was better off than you? When you turn to everything that isn't going to help? I had one of those weeks. I was angry and jealous and impatient and I was downright nasty. It breaks my heart to type those words but I've never shielded this blog from the truth and I don't intend to now.
This morning I went into church angry and jealous and just eh. When I left, conviction had grabbed my heart and a wave of peace had washed over me like a summer rain. I sang the whole way home. We're going deeply through the book of Mark until Easter. This morning Pastor Brian was talking about how Jesus calls, teaches/forgives, and heals. He spoke to the paralytic that was lowered from the rooftop for healing, out of his faith and the faith of his friends. He spoke about how Jesus told the man his sins were forgiven and not to be healed. He spoke about Jesus being more concerned about our deepest issue which is our heart. Pastor Brian also talked about things getting in the way of us hearing the call from being fishermen to fishers of men. That friends, that one hit me in the face. The way I handle and feel about my week is ninety-nine percent contingent on how much time I am using to seek out my sweet Jesus. This week I just buried my head in the sand and boy could I tell, as could my husband and my children.  How can I hear the call the Lord has on my life if I have my head buried in the sand? So, this week I am challenging myself. To keep my head out of the sand, at least to the point my ears are sticking out enough to listen.

The wind changed directions.

I've typed a few times a version or two of what I am typing now. Nothing ever seemed to fit. To some being a blogger is silly and what I am typing and feeling is unjustified. To those who blog, or to those who read blogs, you will understand. This blog has been an intricate part of my life for almost four years. This is where I've recorded the good, the bad, the ugly, and the funny. I've shared my heart. I've shared about my husband. I've shared about my children. I've shared our lives. Over the last few months things have started changing. I got a, for now, full time job and I am having to choose more carefully what things are priority and what things are not. Right now, living real life with my husband, children, family, and friends, rank at the top of my list. I would rather snuggle up with my husband on the couch after tucking our two sweet girls in at night than ignore him as I sit in front of the computer screen to write about the things going on in our lives. I am enjoying the "doing" more. The Lord has convicted me to start putting into practice things I've said I'd like to do here. And the time I've spent blogging and obsessing over social media will be put to better use; I will be diving into my God, my family, my friends, and my calling.  I will still be here and there, so please, check in on us every now and then. Just please don't forget about us while we're cutting a new path into this new normal. You can still find me on Instagram quite often because it is quicker and less time consuming. 

I hope you all have a very happy New Year. Catch ya on the flip side.

Matilda Jane winner!!

Hey, Hey, Kristina J, you're our big winner! 

I sent you an e-mail before I ate dinnerl!

 Make sure you reply so I can make this gift card fly, fly, fly! 

(Sorry for the rhyming, I just couldn't help it)

Matilda Jane giveaway! Woohoo!

We've got a Matilda Jane giveaway! Just in time for Christmas! We love Matilda Jane and we hope you'll find something you love too!! 

*Teagan is wearing the Turtledove knot top, stippling tee, and gallery leggings*

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*Matilda Jane clothing sent Teagan the clothes she is wearing in the above picture, however, all opinions are mine*

The stockings will be hung...(All I want for Christmas, part 2)

The stockings will be hung. Not even a mouse will be stirring. Our tree is up. The girls tree is up. The lights are on outside. And Santa will come. However, Mommy and Daddy will not.

Christmas is changing a bit for us this year. We're not doing presents. Not for ourselves, not for each other, and not for the girls. Josh and I have talked about it. Our girls have more than enough. We have more than enough. Others are not so lucky. We truly want to shout Jesus from the rooftops this year. One of the ways we want to do that is by giving the girls the gift of sponsoring a child. We have chosen to do so through Compassion International. I heard about Compassion through the Allume Conference and my sweet friend, Jessica. We want the girls to ideally "grow up" with the child we choose. We want collaboration to happen. We want them to see just how small the world should be.
We will pray together and search together on Christmas Day, as a family, for the child the Lord chooses for us to sponsor. When we do so we will provide food and clean water, medical care, educational opportunities, life-skills training, and most importantly the opportunity to hear about Jesus. How can we tell people about Jesus if we don't show them Jesus? That question has shaken me to my core so much over the last few months. We will also receive from the sponsorship. We will get a photo, the personal story of the child, and a sponsorship packet. We will be able to correspond with the child. We will get to pray for this child and invest in this child.
So, if you find yourself sick of the "stuff" through the holiday season, consider doing something different. Perhaps consider sponsoring a child....