I have been acting like a spoiled teenage brat. Thankfully coffee and prayers with a good friend made me realize that last night. Not a moment too soon.
I have been complaining about my anxiety of another c-section because things weren't going to go exactly how I wanted. I am allowed disappointment but I should not be acting in the way I have been. I have been ungrateful and a brat.
Last night I prayerfully went to God asking for forgiveness for the lack of faith I'd had in him in regards to this last 9 plus months. I have been looking at the possibility (and soon reality) of a c-section as punishment instead of protection. The Lord is not not giving me what I want because he is being mean and punishing me. He is doing it for my protection. There is some reason I am not able to have a VBAC and I have finally come to terms with it. I have found peace and I am so thankful that I am loved by a God who is as patient as mine.
By this time tomorrow I will be seeing a sweet baby being lifted over a blue curtain and hearing that sweet first cry. And I will find myself falling in love all over again.
I'm so glad you found peace Rici. I was so sad yesterday and even said to Kate at dinner last night, "I hope Rici thinks of this that God is protecting her." It was great to read you write that same thought. Take care and can't wait to see pictures of the new baby!!
ReplyDeletePraying for you Rici and sending you love and joy as you celebrate your new arrival! God is on your side - always. He loves you and only wants your health, joy and happiness.
ReplyDeleteThank you sweet friends! I appreciate the peace I now have! It defintely helps put me in a great state of mind! We appreciate your prayers and can't wait to share the news of Baby Bear tomorrow!!!
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear! No matter what happens, as long as Baby Bear arrives safe and sound, with you safe and sound, that's all that matters. You will forget all about the disappointment when you look into that sweet, beautiful child's eyes! I cannot wait to hear the news tomorrow! Love you lots and miss you! Good luck to you three, soon to be four!
ReplyDelete