Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Peace.

I have been acting like a spoiled teenage brat.  Thankfully coffee and prayers with a good friend made me realize that last night. Not a moment too soon. 
I have been complaining about my anxiety of another c-section because things weren't going to go exactly how I wanted. I am allowed disappointment but I should not be acting in the way I have been.  I have been ungrateful and a brat. 
Last night I prayerfully went to God asking for forgiveness for the lack of faith I'd had in him in regards to this last 9 plus months.  I have been looking at the possibility (and soon reality) of a c-section as punishment instead of protection.  The Lord is not not giving me what I want because he is being mean and punishing me.  He is doing it for my protection.  There is some reason I am not able to have a VBAC and I have finally come to terms with it.  I have found peace and I am so thankful that I am loved by a God who is as patient as mine. 
By this time tomorrow I will be seeing a sweet baby being lifted over a blue curtain and hearing that sweet first cry.  And I will find myself falling in love all over again.