Saturday, September 22, 2012

Feeling good.

Those of you who have been following for a while or who know me outside of the realm of blogger know I have a history of an unhealthy body image that fueled an eating disorder.  For years it haunted me and to be quite honest I was very anxious about my postpartum health.  I was concerned I would be so obsessed with losing the baby weight that I would slip back into that dark place and it would be worse than it was before. Thankfully quite the opposite happened.
I feel better at this moment than I ever have in my entire life.  I am the healthiest I have probably ever been.  I feel great.  I honestly don't even think about my weight and we threw out the scale a long time ago.  I am okay with being me.  To be honest, I think being me is pretty great.  I finally know who I am and why I am here.  Three years ago, those words would have never come out of my mouth or been a thought even creeping through my head.  Even a year and a half ago.  It just would not have happened.  
I have finally accepted and taken to heart the verse that David speaks and writes in Psalm 139:14.  "I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
This was a verse I read over and over when I was in that unhealthy place but I could never wrap my head around it.  I was constantly questioning whether or not God made a mistake with me, that he must have just forgotten me.  What in the world was I thinking?!?  God has never abandoned me.  He has never made a mistake.  It just took me time to get to this place.  It took me time for the Lord to work in my heart, in His time and not mine.  His time.  Not mine.