Wow...today is my last official day of work (until I come back from maternity leave). I was more mentally prepared for it last Friday then I am this Friday. It just seems so surreal. Today is the last day I'll be sitting here at my work computer for the next 6 or 8 weeks (depending on how the delivery goes). I've been anxiously awaiting this day but now it's here I'm almost sad. This means that next week the clock starts ticking on the time I will get to spend at home with my daughter, that next week the fastest 6 weeks of my life will begin and I can't imagine feeling any more guilty about only having those 6 weeks then I do now...but I know the feeling will only get worse. Sure, I'll get through the first 5 because I'll be madly in love and completely devoted to my daughter but I fear that 6th week...that 6th week will mean me having to try and mentally adjust to leaving her. Now, for the 2nd 6 weeks of her life she will be with my mom "Mamaw" and she will still be less then 5 minutes away but she won't be next to me and I won't be able to check on her every 5 seconds. What if I miss something from being away from her? This thought tears me apart because I know how fast time goes by and I don't want to miss a thing in my little girl's life. Okay, that is about all I can type before the tears take over my vision.
Tonight we are going out with Jeana, Seth and Miles for Jeana's b'day! I just have to figure out if I have anything cute that will still fit over this belly of mine! Also I will post pictures of the belly and new hair later on here and facebook!
My heart breaks for you! I remember leaving Jordan and it was AWFUL...even though it was with my mom. I had the most gut wrenching feeling of guilt than I ever had in my life. It was so hard but we made it and so will you....after many many tears. I think I cried all the way to work for weeks. I researched ways I could 'work from home' and I tried to figure out ways to cut things out so I could stay home but I failed and I regret not being able to spend that time with Jordan. To be honest...my bond with Alana and Zayne are alot stronger. Not to say that I don't have a bond with Jordan because I do BUT I can tell a difference. Ugh...I can almost feel your pain.
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