Monday, April 29, 2013

Funny.

It's funny how humility works.  You ask for it but until it comes, I don't know that we ever really realize what we're asking for.  I know I didn't.
You remember this post and this post, when I talked about how the Lord was working in my heart by way of humility?  Well, I was given an opportunity to test this new found attribute, if that is even the right word for it.  I have been going to praise and worship practice on Mondays.  This is quite possibly one of my favorite times of the week.  I get to spend an hour or more with others who love Jesus and love music equally, if not more, than I do.  It's fantastic.
Last week I got a text from our worship leader asking if I would be willing to sing this past Sunday.  After a few moments of hesitation, I replied with a sure.  Practice went pretty well and I continued to pray for a humble heart all week.  Funny how things work out.  Sunday came...I could barely breathe out of my nose and I couldn't hear at all out of my left ear.  We adjusted speakers and I did the best I could.  The first service was all me.  I was anxious because of the circumstances and self-conscious of how I sounded.  I was not being humble, I felt an extreme sense of fear of man, and if my heart had been humble, it would not had mattered.  I was up there to praise Jesus and help people see it's okay to lift our hands with our voices.  Between services, I prayed for a heart change.  Thankfully, a sense of peace and humbleness came over me.  I was not there to show off any talent I might have, I was not there for myself, I was there to praise Jesus and help people see it is okay to lift our hands with our voices.  The second service I was calmer and much more at peace.
Do I think I could have done better? Yes ( you don't realize how much you really need your breath until you don't have enough of it).  Was I nervous? Yes.  But, in the end, it would have gone a lot smoother if I had just given in and handed my heart over to Jesus the second I walked through that door.  Lesson learned, Lord.  Lesson learned.



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