It's funny how humility works. You ask for it but until it comes, I don't know that we ever really realize what we're asking for. I know I didn't.
You remember this post and this post, when I talked about how the Lord was working in my heart by way of humility? Well, I was given an opportunity to test this new found attribute, if that is even the right word for it. I have been going to praise and worship practice on Mondays. This is quite possibly one of my favorite times of the week. I get to spend an hour or more with others who love Jesus and love music equally, if not more, than I do. It's fantastic.
Last week I got a text from our worship leader asking if I would be willing to sing this past Sunday. After a few moments of hesitation, I replied with a sure. Practice went pretty well and I continued to pray for a humble heart all week. Funny how things work out. Sunday came...I could barely breathe out of my nose and I couldn't hear at all out of my left ear. We adjusted speakers and I did the best I could. The first service was all me. I was anxious because of the circumstances and self-conscious of how I sounded. I was not being humble, I felt an extreme sense of fear of man, and if my heart had been humble, it would not had mattered. I was up there to praise Jesus and help people see it's okay to lift our hands with our voices. Between services, I prayed for a heart change. Thankfully, a sense of peace and humbleness came over me. I was not there to show off any talent I might have, I was not there for myself, I was there to praise Jesus and help people see it is okay to lift our hands with our voices. The second service I was calmer and much more at peace.
Do I think I could have done better? Yes ( you don't realize how much you really need your breath until you don't have enough of it). Was I nervous? Yes. But, in the end, it would have gone a lot smoother if I had just given in and handed my heart over to Jesus the second I walked through that door. Lesson learned, Lord. Lesson learned.