It's almost May (really, y'all?) and I turned 30 in February. I've never been a "omgoodness, my _____ birthday is coming!" person and 30 was no different. However, it struck me the other day that I do actually feel like a grown up now. I wanted to share somethings I've learned about myself and my life in general.
1) I'm not 20. Or 23. Or even 28. I need to remind myself of that sometimes. My 30 year old self is not in the place where I can just get up and go. I have two sweet girls and an incredible husband that depend on me. Is that a burden sometimes? Honestly, yes. There are times when I wish I could just be driving down the road and head somewhere, leaving inhibition in the wind. However, after a few days I have no doubt that I would have this aching in my heart because I knew away from them is never where I'm supposed to be. That lesson leads me to the next.
2) I am still Rici. Yes, I am proudly Josh's wife and Teagan and Kyra's mom but I am still Rici and that is okay. I am allowed to still pursue my dreams and be an individual but I refuse to do so at the expense of my family. It has been a learning curve trying to figure out what that looks like. I've had to say no to some things that I thought I wanted to do but time with my family won out. I've also had to say yes to some things for a little while because my family is still top priority.
3) It's taken me 30 years to realize what Josh and I try to instill in our girls daily. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I have struggled for years with my body image because I have sought out what I thought was good and pretty and right in places that I shouldn't. I've sought out my identity in what I assume others think is good and pretty and right. After 30 years, I've almost got it. I've known and heard my whole life to find my identity in my sweet Savior but I've never been able to leave my heart there. Finally, I am almost there. I have days where I see somebody or something and my pride measures me up to the Victoria's Secret models but more days than not an advertisement is not where I seek my identity anymore.
4) The idea of friendship and community changes as you get older. This one has been a little difficult for me to swallow. Again, my head has kind of known that but my heart has been slow and reluctant to follow. My friendship definition (perhaps it's partly the extrovert in me as well) has been to spend as much time together (aka all the time) as you can and take a lot of pictures and basically be each others life line. When you have kids, the phrase "all the time" no longer applies (or at least for me and the moms I'm friends with). "All the time" becomes "whenever possible" and that isn't always often. One of my dearest friends that I've been friends with since elementary schools is an example. We have families that love each other dearly and want to spend time together but we only see each other every month or every other month. Not because we don't want to see each other but because we have jobs and we have families and we have different churches. But if one of us needs something, we're there. We're praying for each other. We're texting or calling. We're still very much friends and I forsee that always being the case. I've also got a group of sweet ladies whom I've grown very close to from church. Friendship looks different for us too; our commonality, the thing that has brought us together is Jesus. I've befriended ladies through church I might not otherwise come in contact with and boy am I glad. Friendship at this time in my life is not bad it's just different and once my heart caught up with my head, I am realizing more each day just how blessed I am.
5) Marriage is hard. I didn't marry my best friend. I am now married to my best friend. The beginning of our marriage was difficult to say the least. Over the last almost 7 yrs of being husband and wife I have learned the numerous reasons why Josh and I just fit. We have grown to know each other and we've grown to realize where he is strong and I am weak and vice versa. He has become everything I could ever imagine wanting in a best friend and so much more, except he hates pictures but we're working on that one...
6) Embrace the natural. I've never really been a make-up and fix your hair girl but boy have I tried. I've reached a point in my life where I'm okay with not being that girl. I don't know how to put on eyeliner and make it look un-Halloweeny and I'm still figuring out what to do with the natural wave/curl hybrid of my hair (think Hermione Granger in the first two HPs mixed with a beach bum). I'm okay with that. I will continue to pin stuff on Pinterest and occasionally attempt them and occasionally get frustrated but for the most part I like my 5 minute routine. I asked Josh the other day on the way to church if he wished I was a "make-up and hair girl" and he gave me a very honest "no". He enjoys when I play dress up for date night but he'd much rather me stay the girl he fell in love with. The one who throws on tinted moisturizer and mascara and runs out the door. I'm completely okay with being that girl.
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