Saturday, September 11, 2010

9 years ago today.

I don't remember much from high school. I'm the friend that sits there and gets excited when my friends are talking about old times because I have such an awful memory that I don't remember 80% of it.
Where I was when the terror struck our nation is something I don't think I'll ever forget. I remember where I was when we found out. I remember clinging to one of my best friends while we sat Indian style on the floor staring up at the TVs wanting to look away but not being able to. I remember being scared. I remember being too scared to cry but letting my eyes tear up just a little. I remember feeling completely violated and unsafe. My America had been attacked like I'd never thought it could. There were so many thoughts rushing through my head. Thoughts that a high school student shouldn't have to think. We were all scared. Even the teachers.
Today I wonder how I would react. My first instinct would be to race to Teagan wherever she would be. I could probably make it to daycare in under 3 minutes. Then I would check on my husband and family and friends. Or I would at least try. I don't even know that I would leave the daycare to go home right away because I know Josh would end up stuck in the traffic chaos of 485 & 77. I would probably sit there clinging to Teagan as she tried to squirm out of my arms to grab a toy because she wouldn't understand why Mommy was freaking out. I still think I would feel that fear. I know I would cry this time. I'm sure I would be thinking similar thoughts to those in high school.
I can only hope Teagan will never have to deal with something this tragic in her lifetime but I'm sure she will and unfortunately it will probably be worse. I wonder about the day when she comes home and asks "Mommy, where were you on September 11th?". What will I say? How will I tell her? I pray at that moment God will give me the words to say and allow me to be just emotional enough that I show the affect it had on me but not enough that I overdo it.
Today, I will hug her a little tighter and kiss her even more and just be with her and Josh. Today I will remember those who lost their lives. Today I will pray for those who were left behind. Today I will recall the camaraderie of that day. Today I will remember to never forget.