Watching, Wishing, Waiting, Wondering, Worrying

Teagan is currently...


Watching for "little Santa's" and Baby Jesus.  She loves the Christmas lights but she is obsessed with finding a little Santa or a Baby Jesus in somebody's yard.    

Wishing that she could accessorize and wear her princess dresses and heels everywhere.  How did I end up with a girly-girl? How? 


Waiting for her birthday.  She thinks it is before Christmas even though she knows December has to come before January.  She wants her Minnie-Princess party (yeah, I'm going to do that how?!?) and for everybody to come to her house.  What can I say? She is a social butterfly. 


Wondering - Why? Why? Why, Mommy? Why, Daddy? Why? Why? Why? 


Worrying about whether or not she is going to have enough dresses to wear. Every. Single. Day. 

Kyra is currently...




Watching her big sister.  All the time.

Wishing we would allow her to climb up the stairs by herself anytime she wanted.

Wondering how many tries it will take her to make it up the stairs without getting caught.

Worrying about those pesky teeth that won’t leave her alone.  She didn’t get the top four completely in before two more top teeth started making their debut!

I am currently....



Watching Bones.  I have watched Bones since it came on.  I also love the show Elementary but have not had the energy to stay up to watch it. 

Wishing that I will be able to use my Christmas break from school wisely.  Spending time with my husband, my girls, my family and my friends is on the top of my list.  Reading a fiction book about nothing social work related is also around the top of my list.

Wondering what Christmas is going to be like this year.  With two little ones I am sure there is going to be a lot of excitement and I cannot wait!

Worrying about final grades.  I won’t know them for a few weeks and the anticipation of one or two classes is going to drive me batty! 

Linking up with Harvesting Kale this week!

Dearest Teagan.

Dearest Teagan,
You are growing into such a little lady.  I tell people I don't have an almost three year old; I have an almost five year old because most of the time that is how you act.
I am so proud of the little lady you are turning into.   You have to be accessorized almost always, with either my "high heels" or your sparkly shoes or jewelry of some sort.  You've learned that it is not proper for little boys to watch little girls use the potty.  You have learned to sneeze into your elbow because we don't want to spread the germs.  You have learned we must wear leggings under dresses that have gotten too short because we are ladies and "ladies do NOT show their panties, except to Mamaw and Mommy and Dad".
You are quite a smart little bear as well.  You are always coming home knowing something new.  You are basically a sponge and absorb everything you can.  Right now you're working really hard on your letters.  You can recognize over half of the letters of the alphabet and can name a word (mostly people) those letters begin with.  You can spell Teagan and Kyra.  You love to put puzzles together and are rarely found without a book or a baby in your hand.  You can count to fifteen in Spanish and twenty in English.  You know "head" and "mouth" in Spanish also.  Honestly, I taught you those because I find them fun to say.
You have become quite the "mommy".  To your babies and often times you try to be the mommy to Kyra Mae.  The being mommy to Kyra Mae has its advantages and disadvantages.  You are still working on reading people's body language and so you don't always realize Kyra is saying no until she cries and starts pushing you away.  Then your feelings get hurt, my tender hearted girl.  You walk around with your baby on your hip or cradle them in one arm "like Mommy do".  I often times look to see how you are playing with your babies because I know you will act like you have seen.  Thankfully, I haven't witnessed anything that has made me feel like a hill of dirt.  Mostly I see you being loving but occasionally I hear a "no ma'am" or a "do you need a time out" and I have to stifle a giggle.
You love all things Disney princess and Minnie Mouse.  Honestly I cringed at this and fought it tooth and nail in the beginning.  We were not going to raise you to be a spoiled "princess".  Then I realized it was not the princess trend that grows a spoiled princess, it is how the princesses are presented.  We do not present the princess idea as one of entitlement.  We present it as Belle loves to read like you do or Cinderella is kind like you try to be with your friends and Kyra or Ariel loves adventures and wants to travel to new places like we plan to do when you and Kyra Mae get older.  Also, I watched this video on youtube and as I cried I said "this.  this is what I want princess to mean to Teagan and Kyra".
You love hard and you play hard.  You get your feelings hurt really easily but you know what you want and you want things a certain way.  You wear your emotions on your sleeves like I do but you are methodical like your daddy.  You love for me to pray for you.  When I put you to bed at night and we are "rocking" often you ask "Mommy pray for me" or "talk to Jesus for me, Mommy" and my heart melts.  Little do you know that I pray for you and Kyra Mae often but I will never turn down an opportunity to pray a little more.  You like to pray too.  You love to pray for the firetrucks and the ambulance and the police cars when they zoom by us or you hear them at night.  You also pray for the missionaries, Tim and Kristin Milner in Califorina.  We don't know them but we picked up a postcard with their information on it and you have prayed for them every night since.
Sometimes you and I butt heads because we are so alike and I am sure this is going to get worse as you get older but know that I will always love you.  No matter what.  You will always be my first baby.  You will always be my Little Bear.  You will always have a part of my heart. No matter how quickly you grow or how far you travel, I will be here.  Arms wide open.  Praying for you every step of the way.

Forever and Always,
Mommy
    

They bought a jeep....

My parents bought a jeep for the girls from some friends...can we say hilarious?  These pictures are from earlier this year but Teagan is still itchin' to drive her jeep.  Fast forward 13 years and this is going to be trouble with a capital T.

Getting a feel for the gas pedal.  Poor Kyra Mae. 

Sweet sisters

Do you SEE that face Teagan is making?  Oh my...

Eventually she will realize looking forward is necessary...

Mom, why are you letting her do this to me? -K 

Nothing but giggles!

Kyra's turn to drive!!

I got this, Mom! -K

Makeshift seatbelt!  

PJs

This picture was taken a few months ago.  Teagan put on some of my really old (like middle school days) PJs and was prancing around my parents house.  

T & K in the yard

It's never not a struggle.

We've been doing a study at church on Psalm 73.  It has reminded me of a time when I was in a deep dark place.  Of being so depressed and angry and bitter and confused that I just wanted it all to go away.  I even tried to make it go away once.  The Lord had different plans.  In my mind I had done everything right, in the right order and the right way, but in my selfish mind I wasn't getting what I wanted.  The internal struggle took me to a dark place.  A place so dark that any form of light was so bright I had to turn my head; I was in the dark for a very long time.
The thing about depression for me is, it never goes away.  It just manifests differently.  For the most part I have been able to keep it at bay.  However, there are days and sometimes weeks that the dark makes itself known again.  The dark is a sneaky booger.  It creeps up from behind and veils me in its invisible darkness.  Thankfully, Josh has been with me for a very long time and knows what the invisible darkness looks like, in spite of its invisibility.
This last week or so has been one of those weeks.  It wasn't surprising that the darkness covered me this week.  Sleep has evaded me, Kyra Mae has been sick and the end of the semester is upon me.  My adrenaline was keeping me going and that is usually when the darkness strikes.  It's different now in it's manifestation then it was before babies.  I am easily frustrated with Josh and the girls, I do not want to be around anybody but I need to be around people, I need sleep but I tend to play the martyr role and stay up grumbling about not having any help even when I do.
One thing I notice when the darkness comes is that I have not been doing my Bible reading and journaling.  When I am not pushing into my Lord and my relationship with Him, I begin the slide down the proverbial slippery slope.  The awesome thing about knowing that fact is seeing God's grace in it all.  Looking back and realizing that in all these years of my struggles with depression I can look back and see God's grace.  He is truly sufficient, if I just remember to let Him be.

Lessons learned from little ones.

Having two children has enlightened me more than any other thing ever has.  Having two girls has exacerbated that enlightenment.  Having one girl who is more like me and one girl who is more like Josh has tripled that enlightenment.
When Kyra was born I thought I had it figured out.  This was going to be easy, without complication.  I was wrong.   I was prideful and puffed out like a peacock.  I knew what I was doing.  I had this second baby girl in the bag!  The Lord truly shows us where our shortcomings are but he does so with mercy.  Thankfully!  
Kyra is different from Teagan.  Kyra does not like to be held.  Teagan loves to be held and snuggled.  Kyra wanted nothing to do with "Mommy milk".  Teagan loved it and nursed a year.  Kyra HATES having her diaper changed.  Teagan could have cared less, as long as she has something to play with or I was singing to her.  Kyra crawled and then quickly walked.  Teagan took her time and waited until she was one to walk.  Kyra wanted table food long before she was allowed to eat it.  Teagan would still eat some baby food if I would let her.
These differences have taught me a lot.  It took me quite a while to give in to how different the girls are.  I still do not have it down pat.  Occasionally I need a reality check from Kyra that "hey, look Mommy, I am Kyra.  I am not Teagan."  As frustrating as those times can be, they are learning experiences and I am trying to appreciate them instead of fight them.  Kyra and I are still learning each other.  Teagan and  I are battling over boundaries; battling over boundaries is something that is probably going to happen the rest of her life.
I am thankful for the differences my girls have but I am also thankful for the similarities as well.  They were both pretty chill babies, it really does not take much to please them.  They are both very kind.  Teagan is always thinking of others: Kyra, Mommy or Daddy, etc.  Kyra has already started showing that same sort of kindness.  They love to laugh and sing and dance.  They have started talking to each other across the hall in the mornings.  They have such a bond already and it is amazing to see it grown stronger every day.  Josh and I are truly blessed.  

Happy Birthday sweet ONE!

Kyra Mae is 1! 

Well, she was one two weeks ago.  Two weeks ago? 

We had our, or her, one year appointment the Monday after, and mercy, she is her father's child!

Weight: 21.4lb

Height: 30inches (90th percentile)

Diapers: size 4 right now, however, due to her height we might be changing this soon because the are beginning to look uncomfortable. 

Kyra has been walking since around 10 and a half months.  She is in to everything.  She wants to be where Teagan is, even when she is using the potty.  I am hopeful this will come in handy come potty training time...

As far as food goes Kyra Mae started rejecting baby food early on.  She started table food around 10 months and we would supplement with baby food.  Now, she is full blown food-food but we still supplement with pouches because she (and Teagan) love them.  

Kyra has a 9 month waist with 18 month legs.  So, she is in some 12 month clothes but she is getting more into 18 month clothes. 

Kyra is working on her top four teeth, she has had the bottom two since her 9 month mark.  These top four teeth are awful though!  They have been rough for her.  She also contracted an ear infection due to the congestion they caused.  

Kyra right now is still taking some milk at night.  This has made me anxious because we had Teagan completely weaned by a year old at night.  However, Kyra began teething when we would have started  weaning her and we did not want to strip her of that comfort, so, it will happen when it happens.  

Kyra has started talking and started signing.  She understands what we tell her and can obey commands  (throw your diaper away, get that book, do you want your milk, etc.).  She is not very verbal but can say three to four words.  Again, I feel like her language skills- she understands but she chooses to not speak as much and she chooses to observe.  Her and Kyra's relationship mirrors mine and Josh's.  I am the social half and he is the wise and quiet observer.  

We are so blessed to have Kyra Mae.  She is truly a completely different child than Teagan and while difficult at first but I am so thankful.  I have learned so many lessons from Kyra Mae, there is a blog post to encompass this coming soon, actually.  I cannot, we cannot, wait to see what happens with this next year!

Changing it up.

Please ignore the construction on the blog...I'm in the middle of trying to tweak the blog layout and all that goes with it....

Sugar and Spice

Last night was Teagan and Kyra's first experience as bona fide "trick-or-treaters".  They had a blast!  The costumes did not turn out like I'd envisioned but that was not the point ( I am slowly learning that lesson...).  The point was, they had a blast and looked adorable doing so.  Plus, everybody got the point of the costumes...

Getting their bags ready! Thanks, Mamaw!

Sugar & Spice...and everything nice!

Walking around the neighborhood!

Hmmm...what's in here?!?

Exhausted. 

Their loot (we didn't go to many houses)

Teagan "testing boundaries" behind the camera.

Funny Halloween faces!!

Daddy and his girls

We had a great time with the girls.  We started out just as the sun was setting so we didn't run into too big of a crowd.  Teagan only got a little frightened once but then we talked her through what a costume was and how some are "funny-scary", some are just funny and some are sweet.  She eventually got it and thankfully we had no nightmares.  Josh carried Kyra Mae the whole time because we didn't know if she could walk in the contraption I put her in...haha! 

This picture is of my friend and partner-in-crime and I at our placement at the hospital.  We went as "Intern 1 and Intern 2"... We had so much fun!