Not stuck in a box.

For those of you who have read this blog or followed me on any sort of media, ever, you'll know that I've never hidden the fact that I struggled with an eating disorder for several years. Struggled to the point my husband, who was my fiancé at the time, told me we needed to get me help before I needed to even think about getting married. For me that was the deal breaker. It was either a marriage and a family or me by myself wasting away and being miserable and eventually dead. By God's grace the path of marriage and family was wide enough to encompass my insecurities and after a long process I was healed.
These days healthy and strong is my workout motto. I feel better now than I probably ever have in my life. I love the fact that i am strong and not skinny. I enjoy seeing my muscles become more defined and I am no longer scared of the numbers going up on a lousy scale.
I have had a lot of unfortunate happenings with my health over the last 8-9 months. Happenings that almost cost me running across the finish line at the Thunder Road Marathon that I'd trained so hard for, again.  Happenings that meant a LOT of medical testing and blood giving and video camera pill swallowing and several almost hospital admissions.  Thankfully those problems have gone away with an explanation I haven't decided if I'm going to share yet or not but I'm alive and well and back at it!
Most recently I have given myself a break from running (my knees are screaming thank you) and I've gotten into weight training and HIIT workouts. Whew! Are those toughies but awesome! I'm definitely new to those kind of workouts and I'm learning all I can. I plan to start sharing some of my journey here from now on. This blog has kind of adapted and morphed over the years into more of a smorgasbord that anything else and I think I'm okay with that. I thought for the longest time that I needed to fit this blog into a tiny little "mommy blog" and I got stuck in that and eventually it wore on me because anytime I stepped out of that box it felt wrong. No more I say!
So, all that being said, the plan is to just blog. Some days it will be about the girls and others it will be about how many jumping jacks I did that day and some times it might be about how the Lord convicted my heart to tears…You never know what you're going to get! And boy am I excited!

*Also, I do a lot of posting on Instagram (who doesn't, right?) so feel free to follow me there too! @RiCiReid *

Tell the guards to open up the gate!

How often do you come drive home, pull into the garage, and then shut the door? How often is the only time you come out of your house it's to walk straight to the mailbox or on the sit back deck where you are surrounded by your fenced in backyard? How often have you nodded your head to the neighbor that lives in the white house, oh you know, the one that has the black jeep and two teenagers? How many times have you started a conversation with the owner of the black jeep? Do you even know his or her name?

We are so guilty of this. We is talking about my husband and I. We know one set of our neighbors well enough to walk into their house without thinking twice about knocking.  We've lived in the same house for 8 years. It's beyond sad. 

We are called to live in community and our church family lives this out better than most churches I've known or interacted with. We are blessed by it but with this blessing comes a sense of contentment. A sense of contentment that needs shaken up a bit. Because contentment is often a slippery slope.  I talked about needing a neon sign that flashes sometimes to get the point across? Well, that neon flashing sign came by way of a for sale sign in the neighbors yard. You know, the neighbors that I nodded my head to the other day? The neighbors whose names I don't even know? 

Something that has been convicting this family of ours here lately is our comfortably in community. We have been blessed with such a tight community that we consider them family. But we've become comfortable. It's easy and amazing and a blessing to send a quick message and instantly have dinner guests (not guests, companions is more like it) and just spend the evening laughing and loving on one another with ease. 

It's time to open the gate of our fence and perhaps linger a little longer at our mailbox. Or perhaps it's an intentional walk across the road and a knock on the door and an invitation to a cup of coffee or some hotdogs on the grill. It's time for the garage door to not come down with such ease so quickly after we get home. 

1 John 4:11 "Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." (ESV)

Comfort. Control. Contentment.

Comfort, control, and contentment are three huge things to me. I struggle when even one of those elements of my life are either missing or out of whack. Sometimes, I find myself relying on those things more than anything else and a mere shift of one of the three can turn my world chaotic, as well as the world of those I hold closest. However, I am beginning to realize sometimes a shift of the elements is necessary when we become too comfortable, when we rely on elements other than our savior to make us complete. Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder. Sometimes it needs to be one more forceful and of the flashing neon light persuasion. Sometimes, life just gets out of whack and we have choices. We have the choice to wallow in those moments, "take charge" of it, or just submit and fall at the foot of the cross. I tend to cycle through all three during a shift change but thankfully as I've grown older (maybe a tad wiser) I've begun to cycle through those quicker and find myself landing at the foot of the cross much quicker than I ever have before. Submission can be harder than anything but how sweet it is when it happens.

Psalm 139: 10-12
"even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you." (ESV)

instant.

Perseverance is a funny thing. I think one of my most proud moments as a mom was when Teagan learned to whistle. She was ecstatic and continues to work on her "craft" because she wants to get better and "whistle like mommy" (can't help it, whistling is something I do ALL THE TIME- ask my coworkers). It was far from instant; in fact it took several months that included whistle attempts several times a day every day. It was a testament to true perseverance which is something we are called to as Christians.

Everything is instant these days. Instant messages. Instant money. Instant food. Instant clothes. Instant bug spray. Instant tan. Instantly dried hair. Instant information (thanks, Google and Siri). In this world of instant though, we are losing our ability to be patient. We are losing our ability or our willingness to persevere. We are losing our ability or our willingness to work for something and not give up when it gets hard to doesn't come as quickly as we think it should.
What is our reaction though, to those things that take work? take time? take persistence? Things like peace? Or health? Or weight loss? Or knowledge? Or trust? Or respect? We often, I know I do, react to these like we can just Google them but when that doesn't work out we throw our hands up and look down at our device or turn on the TV to drown out the reality of something needing work.

We are going through Judges at Exodus right now and looking at God's relentless pursuit of his people. Can you imagine if God were to have said, well, I can't get these people to turn to me and stay with me right this second so I'm done? I don't even want to imagine that. He was and is persistent in his pursuit of us. He even sent a Savior to ensure our eternity with him. But, our GOD, who could bat his eyes one time and make everything however he would want it, decides to exude perseverance and consistent pursuit of us. His pursuit of us goes from Genesis to Revelations.

It definitely puts our instant gratification "needs" into perspective.

Funny thing, habits.

I would need at least 12 extra sets of hands and feet to count up the number of times I have said I was going to start this or commit to that. That I was really going to start waking up again at 5am to go for a run or read my Bible or blog or fill in the blank here. 

Why does it seem so hard to start something new? Or start something again? Honestly, I'm not sure. I've jumped back on the marathon journey but this time it's going to be harder. Because this go 'round I am fully (and then some) employed and don't just have hours to spare while my girls are at daycare. My family is first priority and my job is a necessity but my passion is health and right now for me that manifests in running. 

I've written out my training schedule. I've adapted the infamous Hal Higdon's Novice 1 plan. While I could probably do the Novice 2 plan I am doing things a bit differently this time. I'm allowing more time for training and ensuring that I've built a solid foundation. I have already become more diligent about strength training and I've been reading up a lot on it because it truly is important for runners to have a solid strength training routine. I'm also spending a lot of time stretching, with this I've had to schedule at least 20-30 minutes on top of my running time to ensure that I've properly stretched. I won't have my IT band being what brings me down this time. 

What it comes down to this time is ultimately time. This is where habit comes in. This is where it becomes about mind over matter. Do I wake up when my alarm goes off at 5:15am or do I hit the snooze button again? Hopefully, the habit will slowly (or quickly) come back and we'll be off to the races! Heres to the run! 

Yoga Outlet! (Review)

I think I could live in "yoga clothes" or "running clothes" every day of my life. Actually, 5 out of 7 days I'm in scrubs at the hospital and the other two I am likely yoga or running clothes except the 2-3 hours we are at church on Sunday. And date night…I will wear real clothes for date night.
I was approached by Yoga Outlet for their Spring promotion and said an immediate yes! $50 to spend on their site? How could I say no?
It took me a day or two to actually decide on what I wanted and I found some pretty Spring colors and patterns for pants. I was able to get two pair!
Aren't they lovely?

Soybu Allegro Capri

Soybu Allegro Legging

The products I purchased were fantastic. However, I bought them for Spring/Summer but they are more fit for Fall/Spring due to the fabric thickness. They are both incredibly soft. They sit high on the waist, which is awesome!
I would recommend the website, especially so you can try out some of the higher name brand items for a cut cost. The only issue I had was with the mobile website; if you're not already signed up for the site I do suggest signing up on something other than the mobile site because that was a pain, however, it took no time at all once I got on my laptop.
Other than the website glitch everything else was great. Shipping was quick and my new pants got to my front porch quicker than I imagined! I doubt this will be the last time I order from Yoga Outlet.  Enjoy!

Where did you get your funny?

Oh Kyra Mae, 

I have no idea where you got your funny from. You are all or nothing. You are meltdown or funny face. You fight hard but you love harder. You have me wrapped. You are smart like your daddy and emotional like me. We've decided this has potential to be a dangerous combination. You have super curly hair that is rarely tamed and in the humidity, Shirley Temple has nothing on you. You love reading and puzzles and snuggling. You have grabbed on to the role of the youngest and played it well. You love your sister with a fierceness that I pity anybody who dare breaks her heart. Hell hath no fury like a Teagan with a Kyra Mae as her sister.  You dance to your own beat but you have two left feet and are our constantly bruised and beat up kid. You are passionate. You know what you want and typically will stop at nothing to get it.  You bring such laughter to our lives. I even have to watch myself when you are doing things you know you shouldn't because it's often funny. You love hugs and kisses and you love to be tickled. You despise having to go try and potty if you don't have to go right that second. You always come home with a sandbox of sand in your hair on pretty days. You share the brightness in your eyes that Teagan has. You are barely one size away from her in clothes because you are physically your daddy made over and are taller than some of the kids in her class. People rarely believe me when I tell them you are merely 3.  Our relationship had a rocky start. I feel like I've spent a lot of time making up for the bonding I feel like I deprived you of in the first year. I think I'm partly at fault for feeding into your youngest child mentality. I admit to babying you some. I admit to doing things for you because it's just a little bit easier that way. You get very upset if you don't do things right immediately and if it doesn't work the first time you get yourself worked into a tizzy. This has been a tough one for your daddy and I. We recognize the frustration and sometimes we are really good at cultivating persistence and perseverance with you during those hard times and sometimes we are terrible at it. We aim for more good at than bad at. I just ask that you be patient with us. I pray that you know how much we love you. I pray that in those times of frustration that we are able to show each other Jesus and grace, oh, so much grace. 

We love you. Forever and always. 

Tea for two.

This little girl of mine, she isn't so little anymore. I hear myself starting to say the words, "don't rush it" and "your time will come" more often than I'd like. Her smile lights up the room. Her eyes can tell you every answer to the universe. She has concern for what others think but she still stays true to herself. She reminds me at night to braid her hair so it won't tangle for tomorrow. She asks questions about friends overseas and how certain cultures believe certain things. She prays for their hearts, that they will learn about and love the Jesus she does. She is sassy and easily distracted. She is kind. She loves to sing, and after a lot of persistent practice, has taught herself to snap and whistle and she beams when she does. She tries to mother Kyra Mae which doesn't always go over well. She is rarely without a book or high heels. She likes to accessorize and asks to wear lotion on her face like mommy. Occasionally I curl her hair. She loves dresses. She loves chapstick and cannot wait until we let her have a tube with color. She challenges me. She pushes my buttons and tests my patience. I say, "seriously, kiddo?" quite frequently. Her heart is tender and is easily bruised. There are times where my words are the ones that bruise. She loves deeply and forgives quickly. 

There are times when I cringe for the times that will come as she gets older. I sometimes grow weary for things that will be. For when the reality of a fallen world smacks her in the face. When the kids in her class are not so accepting of her personal style. When the world starts to tell her to just give up or move on to something else when the things in life or life itself gets hard. When her heart gets broken the first time by a friend or a boy after loving them deeply and possibly forgiving too quickly.

Then I rejoice. I rejoice at the fact that God gave her to us. He gave her to me to be her mommy. To be blessed to capture that smile and to be the one to look into her eyes to find the answers she may not want to tell me. I rejoice that there will still be times she wants me to sit on her bed and braid her hair before she sleeps. For the times I won't be leading her into prayers but that we will pray together and her words will be without prompt. I rejoice that she has personality. I rejoice that she has started to seek perseverance now and hope that it will be something we can continue to encourage in her. I love how she loves her sister. I know there will be a realistic version vs. the romanticized version of their relationship that I see but their genuine love for one another makes my heart burst. I am anxious for those relationships that cause her heart to break. I am anxious that she is going to go through the phase that all girls go through where parents are no longer the heroes of their story. However, I hope that at that time I won't want to be her hero and won't pretend to be able to fix it. I pray that Josh and I are able to love her and direct her to the cross, to the real hero. I pray that when the time comes that loving her well as her mommy will be what I am equipped to do. And I am blessed to fill that roll, both now and later. Forever and always. 

That first time I actually went in.

I'm not a makeup kinda gal. I don't know how to put on eyeliner. I don't know how to pick a good shade of red lipstick-not that I would wear it if I did. I don't curl my eyelashes or fill in my brows. I have maybe four solid ways of fixing my hair. I've just never been that girl. I did decide, on a whim last weekend, to just go for it. 

Sephora has always been one of those stores for me. The kind of stores where you linger in the doorway or you do nothing but take one lap around the outside aisle of the store and then you leave, head down, hoping nobody noticed you. Because, oh my goodness, overwhelming is an understatement! I had quite the proverbial come to Jesus meeting that day. You see, 31 was hovering in the shadows. I decided to just pull it in to the light and pull up my big girl panties. I was going into Sephora and I was going to seek out help and a makeover. 

The people? They were nice! These people with this pretty faces who looked straight out of a magazine were friendly and didn't look at me like I had three heads. I was assigned to a Sephora magician named Kristin. I told her my woes and my "I hate make-up but I don't want to hate it and I've never walked to the center of this store" story. She was kind. She talked me through the process and explained as she went. She let me do some of my face and showed me every step of the process. I told her up front I didn't want to look like a I took a frosting tool and caked makeup on my face. I also told her I didn't want my face to take more than five minutes. She was good with that on one condition; that my "date night" look was allowed to take at least fifteen. I was okay with that. 

Of course, I took before and after. I think it's hilarious that the after picture just screams deer in headlights, but that is kind of how I felt because I had no idea who this person was staring back at me. 

Before. 

Getting the gunk off. This was equally cool and gross.

Super clean face!

Day look. Basic is my favorite. 

Date night prep. 

Deer in headlights. Date night look. 

The magic.

So, I am no longer scared of Sephora. I'm actually likely to shop there more often. The people I came in contact with were friendly and knowledgable. I came away with the BB cream by Boscia and the concealer by NARS. I did end up with two lip pencils by NARS for my birthday, so that was pretty awesome too! 

My wish list includes the Peter Thomas Roth exfoliant which price wise wasn't terrible and this awesome face cream by Algenist which was super pricey. 

If you're like me and "beauty stores" scare the britches off of you I suggest just going for it. Go for it with a friend and tag team. The staff in those stores are there to actually help you, contrary to what most people think. I just went in on a whim and came out a happy girl. Step out of your make-up, or lack thereof, rut and just go for it! 

*this post is my opinion. I have not been compensated in anyway. I just wanted to share a good experience.*

Upside down.

Isn't it funny how real the struggle is? How one minute you feel on top of the world and then the next minute you feel completely upside down? Depression is one of those things that people don't like to talk about. Or when they talk about it they down play it. Depression is a struggle that is real. For some it is only a moment in time. For others it's a lifelong companion. My relationship falls in the latter category. I have my good days and bad. Sometimes my life feels upside down for no reason at all. Not talking about it isn't going to help. Pretending like I'm awesome all the time isn't going to help. It's not going to help me and it's not going to help you. Depression gets worse when we let the silence of it become deafening. So, let's talk about it. Open the lines of communication. Don't suffer in silence. Reach out. 

One thing I've been doing for myself lately is yoga. I'm able to focus my mind on things that are true, like Gospel true. I'm able to focus on Bible verses that my heart needs to hear and my head needs to put on repeat.  I'm able to focus at how strong my body is and is becoming. I'm able to calm my mind. I'm able to test my physical limits. I'm able to belly breathe and feel it to my toes. I'm able to pause in positions that make my body feel good and breathe deeper into positions that cause me some difficulty. Yoga is slowly becoming a physical metaphor for my life and the roller coaster that is depression. Good days and bad. I'm blessed and thankful and prayerful that even on those bad days I don't forget it. 

The not resolution.

Resolutions are just not my thing. They never have been and it's likely that they never will be. However, one thing I want to work on is self-care. Not just for myself but for others. Some of my current self-care favorites. 

Pampering with some of my best gals. Yes, we were desperate enough the other night for some girl time and pampering that we had on flip flops in 30 degree weather. Oh well, it was super worth it! 

Yoga. Yoga. Yoga. This is not limited to any particular kind. This does however include Holy Yoga as often as possible. The "regular" yoga, I make sure kicks my butt and clears my mind. Holy Yoga fills my spirit. I try to focus on prayer and scripture when I'm participating in Holy Yoga. My favorite yoga studio in my area is owned by my dear friend, Jessica, and you can check Simply Yoga Belmont out here. 

I have always wanted to try Birchbox but I never did because I'm just not a girly girl. My amazing sister (in-law) gifted me three months for Christmas and it was one of my favorite gifts. I love getting a surprise package in the mail every month full of girly goodies in a colorful and beautiful box. This might be something I continue indulging in! I even put on eye liner y'all! 

Hot tea with Apple Cider Vinegar and Thieves essential oil. I blame my sweet friend Alexas for the ACV love. Then I blame my friend Jessica (from above) for the Thieves love. I have started drinking hot lemon zinger or orange tea with honey and ACV and at least half the time thieves. I drink this almost nightly. This is my night time pre-bed snack and I've become addicted. There are so many amazing properties to ACV and local honey and Thieves (or any essential oils). I think I might pick my friends brains soon and do a post on helpful ways to start incorporating these things into the every day. 

*the links are just for your information and ease. I am not getting compensated in any way if you click through the links to the websites above*

Time after time.

So many times over the last few months I have thought about a blog post. So many times I've had a thought come flooding through my head in the middle of the night only to find myself giving in to sleep, or the wishful thinking of such an act. So many times I have been having a time with one of the girls and I think to myself about how if I would type it up that it could potentially help another mom realize they weren't alone in the confusion and chaos. So many times I've felt strong or weak or pretty or not so lovely that I felt the need to write. There have been adventures and parties and service opportunities that I'd thought would be nice to share but they never did. There have been new words, new dances, and new yoga poses that I felt were worth sharing but didn't.
Over the last few months I've been working on life. Actually living it. I got sucked so deep into the world of online that it was taking over. I pulled back from the life I was living online and threw myself back into reality. Want to know something? I didn't grow an extra appendage nor did I have one retract! I've actually lived life again. I'm not watching the world through my fingers. I'm not seeking out things to do with my family just so I can blog about it or announce it to the world.
That being said, I'm baby stepping back into the online world. Back into letting my fingers dance on the keyboard once again. I've missed it. I've also realized I have to tread carefully or risk being drawn in again. So, here we go 2015. Lets live this.