Dropping the cup.

Today I had one of those moments.  You know the embarrassing moment that turns out to mean so much after the incident that you do not even remember the embarrassment?
Well, today, I dropped my cup.  My full cup.  In a restaurant.  At the register.  Normally I would have jumped to clean it up but today I was left practically powerless.  I did, of course, try to clean up the mess by picking up the ice but I had nothing.  No napkins, no kleenex, certainly no mop.  I had made a mess and brought down my friend and an innocent bystander with me, as their legs were equally as covered with Diet Coke as mine.  After being told numerous times to not worry about it that they would clean it up, we all had a laugh, thankfully, and after I got off the floor picking up ice, I was rewarded with a new Diet Coke and we headed on our way.
Driving down the road I just kind of laughed to myself.  How many times have I made a mess in my life and tried to clean it up by myself when clearly I didn't have the tools to do so?  How many times has the Lord done what He has always done by telling me to just let Him clean it up.  To allow HIM to help me?  How many times have I told him, "I've got this, really"?  How many times have I had to "spill my cup" with no paper towels before I allow Him to clean up the mess?  To show me that had I been paying attention or allowed Him to take control in the first place that the mess never would have happend, my feet would not be wet and my jeans sticky with Diet Coke?
I feel like so often in our lives we reach this point.  We reach the point where we drop our cups, try to clean up the mess ourselves and it just gets bigger and stickier.  Why do we always think we can do it ourselves?  Because we are born sinful and full of pride.  I am not different and I do not claim to be.  There are many days where I "just handle it" or try to.  On those days I end up anxious, angry and short-tempered taking out friends, family and innocent bystanders in my path.  I need to remember daily to let the Lord in.  To allow him to help me hold my cup.  Two hands are better than one.  

I found this quote today on Pinterest and felt like it was a great illustration of my lesson learned today.  Thing is, if I allow the Lord to be a consistent in my life and I let go of my proverbial cup, his hand is there not letting it drop even when I let go.  Because I am weak and He is my strength.  Nothing is too heavy for Him.

Growing.

I struggled a very long time with self-esteem issues, with issues of never feeling good enough or smart enough.  I was the girl who was best friends with the smartest of our class, who never felt like I could ever be as smart as them.  I am sure there are quite a few ladies out there who can relate. I suffered through an eating disorder, clinical depression and just a general self-hatred for much longer than I should have.  Over the last few years the feeling will come less and less but it's not gone.  Occasionally it will creep in.  These feelings have been what really held me back from applying to graduate school.  I was scared of rejection.  Even though I knew if I could just get INTO school that I could do it...I still couldn't even bring myself to try.  It's funny how the LORD works...
He kind of just pushed me over the edge but was at the bottom ready to catch me.  He basically put a "now or never" situation into my path and Josh and I trusted, blindly.  It was the most incredible feeling I've ever felt.  Pure blind faith.  I had no anxiety test day, I had no anxiety when I clicked on the submit button for my application.  I knew, whether I got in or not that He does all things for our good and we would be okay.