Saturday, July 7, 2012

Growing.

I struggled a very long time with self-esteem issues, with issues of never feeling good enough or smart enough.  I was the girl who was best friends with the smartest of our class, who never felt like I could ever be as smart as them.  I am sure there are quite a few ladies out there who can relate. I suffered through an eating disorder, clinical depression and just a general self-hatred for much longer than I should have.  Over the last few years the feeling will come less and less but it's not gone.  Occasionally it will creep in.  These feelings have been what really held me back from applying to graduate school.  I was scared of rejection.  Even though I knew if I could just get INTO school that I could do it...I still couldn't even bring myself to try.  It's funny how the LORD works...
He kind of just pushed me over the edge but was at the bottom ready to catch me.  He basically put a "now or never" situation into my path and Josh and I trusted, blindly.  It was the most incredible feeling I've ever felt.  Pure blind faith.  I had no anxiety test day, I had no anxiety when I clicked on the submit button for my application.  I knew, whether I got in or not that He does all things for our good and we would be okay.