Weaning for this dummy.

When and how to wean are probably the two most loaded questions when it comes to breastfeeding.  When do you stop and how do you stop?  Do you breastfeed for 6 months? 1 year? 2 years? When you start weaning how do you do it? Cold turkey? Gradually? Really gradually?
When I started breastfeeding I hoped I could do it for a year; no more and no less.  That was the game plan but if I couldn't then it wasn't going to be earth shattering to us.  We would chose the best formula and just go with it.  I've been lucky and we're going on a year come January 23rd.  We have had to supplement with a little bit of formula because I work a full time job and pumping just wasn't making it by itself.  I'm okay with that.  Teagan is still as healthy as a horse.  No harm no foul. 
Now comes the weaning part.  To be quite honest Teagan started weaning herself around 10 months.  She started losing interest and wouldn't always stay latched long enough for a let down.  She became more interested in real food and less interested in Mommy milk.  Surprisingly, I was okay with that.  Her body was starting the adjustment of getting more of her nutrients from real food and less from me.  Which is what it needed to do. Things just seem to fall in place for our weaning attempt. Teagan was preparing to move up at "school" and needed to get on that class's schedule.  This meant eating real food at 11:00 instead of me going to nurse her like I had been.  This was harder for me then I thought it would be and took a few days of lunchtime tears from me but she took it like a champ and we got over it.  Starting in January I stopped pumping at work and started Teagan on organic whole milk in her sippy cup for school (this was only after making sure she wasn't allergic and getting permission from her doctor).  My milk supply has been a mixed blessing for me over the last year.  My body adjusted to giving Teagan just what she needed but it wasn't too keen on making extra.  That was hard during the time I was pumping and needed more.  It has also made weaning easier, less leaky and less painful then some of the experiences of others I know.  Basically no cabbage leaves for this nursing mama.      
Now comes the hardest part.  Weaning in the mornings and weaning before bedtime.  My sweet child likes to get up anywhere between 4am and 4:45am for a morning snack and then she'll go back to sleep for a few more hours.  I decided to tackle this nursing time first.  Frankly, it has been a nightmare.  Not the not nursing part but the getting Teagan to not still wake up at 4:00am part.  It has been hard to not just nurse her and put her back down in the mornings.  Even though we've been doing this for over 2 weeks, Teagan's carpet has a permanent mommy butt impression from where I've sat as she has cried herself back to sleep in the mornings.  Obviously we are still working on the going back to sleep part in the mornings but she hasn't nursed in the morning for over 2 weeks.  So I consider it a semi-success.  Next will be the night time feedings.  This one is going to be a little hard to give up but Teagan has basically given it up for me.  She is nursing maybe 5 minutes at night and doesn't go down asleep anyway (we've not put her down asleep in months) so I don't think it will be too bad.  We've got a set schedule and plan to incorporate a little snack (that way empty belly is no excuse) before teeth brushing, reading and bedtime.
Do you have any suggestions when it comes to weaning? How long did you breastfeed? What was the weaning experience like for you? Was it hard or were you ready? I'd love to hear your experiences.



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Dearest Teagan

Dearest Teagan,
Well, my dear girl, you will be 10 months next week.  I can honestly barely wrap my head around it.  I feel like I've almost run out of words to write to you because I've expressed my love for you over and over again.  I kiss your sweet face and hands and feet and head more times then I can count on a daily basis.  I tell you how much I love you with every kiss and cuddle.  You make me so proud with every new thing you learn and do.  You make me smile with a smile.  My heart flutters everytime you reach for me.  My soul smiles when you give me "lovin" and hug my neck.  My heart breaks to hear you cry and all I want to do is scoop you up and hold you and make the cries stop.  I want to protect you from the world but I want you to experience it all.  I want to show you the world and all it can offer.  I want you to know there are so many opportunities out there that your daddy and I will try our best to let you take advantage of.  You have such a sweet soul that seems to shine through already.  You honestly bring a smile to every person's face that you come into contact with.  People say you're beautiful and baby girl you are incredibly beautiful but I feel like you are beautiful inside and out, already.  You have such a sweet disposition and you have already begun to share with others.
You've really taken off the last few weeks.  You were kind of lazy and content all at the same time when it came to moving around and exploring.  All of a sudden, BAM, you are everywhere! You are into everything.  You even tried to stick your finger in a light socket. Talk about giving Mommy a heart attack.  You and your two best friends at "school" have started really playing with each other and realizing there is somebody there to play with.  You three crawl all over the place and get into all sorts of mischief.  You will be moving up soon to the "big baby" room.  Luckily you will all three move together.  I have a feeling the three of you will be a force to be reckoned with in the coming years.   Also, you and your bf/bff Miles David have really started to "find" each other.  You love to touch each others faces and clothes.  You love taking his hat and he really enjoys trying to take your binky.  Your Aunt Jeana and I try to get you guys together as often as we can.  One of these days we are going to schedule a real live play date.  Or maybe a sleep over.  We're still working on it.
Today was the first time I didn't visit you at lunch to feed you.  We have started the weaning process as of today.  Honestly, Little Bear, I thought I wouldn't have a really hard time with it.  I thought I would be fine and not emotional and I would keep in mind that you need "real" food more then you need me now and it's what is best for you.  I also thought the idea of  "freedom" for both of us would feel kind of good.  I was so wrong.  I know all of those things are true.  I know you are growing up and becoming a big girl and that "mommy milk" is now really just a supplement to your nutrition but let me tell you Little Bear, it is HARD. Not seeing you in the middle of my day threw things off kilter completely.  I cried around 10:50ish when I normally go to feed you.  I felt like I didn't know what to do with myself on my drive to lunch.  I wondered if you were okay and how you were handling the change in routine.  I'm sure you handled it like a champ.  I knew this was going to be harder on me then you.  I just knew it.
Right now I am counting the minutes until I get to see you. There are exactly 27.  I didn't take an entire lunch break ( I couldn't stand it) and so now that the office is dead and papers have been organized and clients have been seen I am writing to you.
I want to you know that I love you very much.  I want you to know that I am going to mess up but we are both going to learn from my mistakes.  I want you to know that anything I ever do, right or wrong in your eyes, will always be out of love and what I think is best for you.
I am cherishing every minute I have with you.  I cannot begin to imagine what the months leading up to your first birthday will hold.  Just know Little Bear that you are loved and cherished. Unconditionally.

Love Always and Forever,
Mommy  

Bittersweet

The Bitter.
Today was the last day I will feed Teagan at lunch.  Today I was told Teagan will move up at daycare to the older baby class.  Today I cried a little as Teagan nursed.  Today I snuggled her extra tight as she gave me sleepy "lovin'" after she nursed. Today I walked slower to take her back to her room.  Today I took extra care and tucked her in more carefully when I put her in her crib at daycare.  Today I cried when I got into the car.  Today I missed my baby girl so bad it hurt. 

The Sweet.
Today we started the process of weaning Teagan because she is becoming a big girl.  Today I was told Teagan will move up to the older baby class with her two best school friends, Matilda and Cooper.  Today I smiled as Teagan nursed because I am amazed at how she is growing and how incredible she is.  Today I snuggled Teagan extra tight because I love her more then she'll ever know and she shows me how much she loves me by giving me "lovin" back and snuggling up tight.  Today I put a finally sleepy Teagan in her crib because she would really rather play then nap.  Today I smiled as I walked down the hall and got into my car.  Today I realized I don't have a baby girl anymore.  Today I am thankful that Teagan is healthy and happy and growing up to be a sweet Little Bear.