Friday, November 19, 2010

Dearest Teagan

Dearest Teagan,
Well, my dear girl, you will be 10 months next week.  I can honestly barely wrap my head around it.  I feel like I've almost run out of words to write to you because I've expressed my love for you over and over again.  I kiss your sweet face and hands and feet and head more times then I can count on a daily basis.  I tell you how much I love you with every kiss and cuddle.  You make me so proud with every new thing you learn and do.  You make me smile with a smile.  My heart flutters everytime you reach for me.  My soul smiles when you give me "lovin" and hug my neck.  My heart breaks to hear you cry and all I want to do is scoop you up and hold you and make the cries stop.  I want to protect you from the world but I want you to experience it all.  I want to show you the world and all it can offer.  I want you to know there are so many opportunities out there that your daddy and I will try our best to let you take advantage of.  You have such a sweet soul that seems to shine through already.  You honestly bring a smile to every person's face that you come into contact with.  People say you're beautiful and baby girl you are incredibly beautiful but I feel like you are beautiful inside and out, already.  You have such a sweet disposition and you have already begun to share with others.
You've really taken off the last few weeks.  You were kind of lazy and content all at the same time when it came to moving around and exploring.  All of a sudden, BAM, you are everywhere! You are into everything.  You even tried to stick your finger in a light socket. Talk about giving Mommy a heart attack.  You and your two best friends at "school" have started really playing with each other and realizing there is somebody there to play with.  You three crawl all over the place and get into all sorts of mischief.  You will be moving up soon to the "big baby" room.  Luckily you will all three move together.  I have a feeling the three of you will be a force to be reckoned with in the coming years.   Also, you and your bf/bff Miles David have really started to "find" each other.  You love to touch each others faces and clothes.  You love taking his hat and he really enjoys trying to take your binky.  Your Aunt Jeana and I try to get you guys together as often as we can.  One of these days we are going to schedule a real live play date.  Or maybe a sleep over.  We're still working on it.
Today was the first time I didn't visit you at lunch to feed you.  We have started the weaning process as of today.  Honestly, Little Bear, I thought I wouldn't have a really hard time with it.  I thought I would be fine and not emotional and I would keep in mind that you need "real" food more then you need me now and it's what is best for you.  I also thought the idea of  "freedom" for both of us would feel kind of good.  I was so wrong.  I know all of those things are true.  I know you are growing up and becoming a big girl and that "mommy milk" is now really just a supplement to your nutrition but let me tell you Little Bear, it is HARD. Not seeing you in the middle of my day threw things off kilter completely.  I cried around 10:50ish when I normally go to feed you.  I felt like I didn't know what to do with myself on my drive to lunch.  I wondered if you were okay and how you were handling the change in routine.  I'm sure you handled it like a champ.  I knew this was going to be harder on me then you.  I just knew it.
Right now I am counting the minutes until I get to see you. There are exactly 27.  I didn't take an entire lunch break ( I couldn't stand it) and so now that the office is dead and papers have been organized and clients have been seen I am writing to you.
I want to you know that I love you very much.  I want you to know that I am going to mess up but we are both going to learn from my mistakes.  I want you to know that anything I ever do, right or wrong in your eyes, will always be out of love and what I think is best for you.
I am cherishing every minute I have with you.  I cannot begin to imagine what the months leading up to your first birthday will hold.  Just know Little Bear that you are loved and cherished. Unconditionally.

Love Always and Forever,
Mommy