Sweet Baby.

We slept in this morning.  Until 9 o'clock!! Teagan came and snuggled with us in bed and we all had quite a peaceful slumber.  After we got up and fed Teagan, she played for a little while and then helped me finish laundry and put hers away.  She also helped me take stuff out of her drawers because she didn't like the way I had it folded.  Then I gave Teagan a bath and she splashed all over the place and had a blast like she usually does.  Now, she is asleep on my chest and I can't stop kissing her cheeks and smelling her head.

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas.

Last night Josh brought home two movies.  The first one was The Boy in the Striped Pajamas.  I had never heard of this movie but I was slightly intrigued.  Sometimes we pick out random movies and we don't even finish them or we vow never to pick out a random move again.  This time Josh struck gold. 

This is what the summary on IMDB says about the movie:

"Set during World War II, a story seen through the innocent eyes of Bruno, the eight-year-old son of the commandant at a concentration camp, whose forbidden friendship with a Jewish boy on the other side of the camp fence has startling and unexpected consequences."

That summary does not do the movie justice.  I had a flood of different emotions during the movie. I cried. A lot.  I don't want to give too much away though so I'll just tell you what I thought it was about generally. 
This movie shows the consequences that can follow pinpointing one group of people for being a specific way and torturing and terrorizing them.  This movie shows the turmoil of living with somebody you thought you knew and then find out they have an entirely different side.  This is a movie about what happens when you come to conclusions without hearing both sides.  This is a movie about believing something and then having something rock your world to the point of clarity.  This is a movie about what can happen when people wear blinders and believe their way is the best way and there can be no other way.  This is a movie about a family who is ripped apart and punished in a way you'd never expect.  This is a movie about the innocence of a child and shows us how we need to sometimes dig down and remember our own childhood innocence.
I do hope that you will rent it (or read it).  Please let me know what you thought of the movie if you do watch it or have watched it.

Humble Pie.

Sometimes when you become a mommy, you get a "mommy head" (at least I do).  This is the mommy version of a big head.  Where you pretty much know what is best for your baby and when somebody else comes in and does something that works better your big head deflates and your feelings are slightly hurt.  This morning my head deflated faster then a stomped on balloon, my heart hurt a little and I gobbled down an entire humble pie. Not just a piece.
(CAUTION: a little whining and complaining coming)Yesterday, I stayed at home with Teagan all day long.  I loved on her and I took care of her like any mommy would.  We basically didn't move from the couch except to feed her and change her diaper.  I even set the alarm so I could get up every three hours to give her the meds through the night (end of whining).  If she hadn't been feeling yucky it would have been a perfect day because I love when she cuddles up close to me, nuzzles in my neck and goes to sleep.  
I sent Josh a text message that we needed baby Tylenol because they told me we could alternate between Tylenol and Motrin and since the recall we haven't had Tylenol in the house.  When he got home he had gotten all he could find but it was the wrong thing.  He lovingly went back out and got the right stuff.  He fixed dinner and got me anything I needed so I could care for Teagan.  My husband is an amazing daddy, what can I say?
Here comes the part where I eat that humble pie.  This morning around 5:35 Teagan woke up and since it was still kind of early I brought her to bed.  At least I tried to bring her to bed.  She wasn't having it.  She did not want to lay down. So she and I got back up.  I took her into her bedroom and did everything I could think of doing.  She continued to scream.  I don't mean whine and yell.  I mean SCREAM at the top of her lungs, arch her back like she was skydiving and cry real tears.  I put her on her back and started bicycling her legs and massaging her tummy.  She usually reacts like this when she gets gassy or constipated.  I thought this might have happened because of all the meds so I gave her some gas drops and continued trying to bicycle her legs and massage her tummy.  She continued to scream in what seemed like pain.  Then I saw a shadow at the door.  Superdad was in the doorway.  He scooped Teagan up and instantly she stopped crying.  I selfishly felt like she had just kicked me in my stomach. I had those "how dare he come in here and pick up HIS daughter and she instatnly be okay" feelings.  I just sat there. Stunned.  He asked what was wrong and I told him (shortly) that I was bicycling her legs because I thought she was constipated and that typically helps.  He asked if I wanted her back and I told him no, she was happier with him and then got up.  She kind of put one hand out at me and then took it back and I told her I wasn't going to take her from Daddy.  I was going back to bed.  (Even typing this I'm shaking my head, really?)  I went to bed and they came too, when he laid her in the bed she istantly reached out to me and of course I pulled her close and told her I was sorry and that it was okay.  She cuddled into her usual place on me and we all fell back asleep for a little while.
I thought a lot about why Teagan stops crying when Josh picks her up.  She feels his calm.  She feels his protection.  It's two things I feel when I'm upset and he wraps his arms around me.  I am the nuturer, the cuddler and the soft mushy/emotional one.  She feels that I am trying to fix whatever is wrong but sometimes I get a little flustered and she senses that.  He is the strong tower of protection and love.  He is the calm in the storm no matter how big the storm is.  He loves Teagan in a different way then I do but his love is no less important or not as strong as mine.  Words can't really express the gratitude I have for my husband in times like these....I just hope it doesn't take and entire humble pie next time to remember it.  I love you My Love.

First fever.

Yesterday started out pretty normal and then by the start of the evening Josh and I started getting a little worried.  Luckily we've both learned not to freak (too much) and we remained calm.  Teagan has only been sick one time in her 9 months as an outside baby and that was with an ear infection we didn't even know she had.  Last night she ran a fever of 101.7.  I got worried.  She was burning up from her middle back up.  She felt like a little ball of fire.  She was acting a little fussy but not too bad.  She had gotten a flu shot that morning and we figured that was what it was (that was our choice that we made with Teagan's doctor.  If it's not for you then that is fine.  Remember. Your child. Your decision.).  So, I gave her some Motrin and we just loved on her the whole night.  We put her down around 7:15 (45 minutes earlier then her usual bedtime).  It was almost like she was having feverish dreams for the first 2 hours or so.  She would wake up and either yell or talk but by the time I got upstairs she was already back asleep (and I move like the wind when I hear her at night, lol).  It was really strange.  She slept well and the fever broke and came back twice.
This morning after nursing twice (3:30 when she woke up and then at 5:30...I figured she didn't feel well and hopefully nursing would help at least a little) she came to bed with Josh and I for another few hours.  We finally got up a little after 8.  Teagan decided she wanted bananacado for breakfast but the avacado had gone bad so I cooked her some apples so she could have apple-banana for breakfast.  She sweetly gummed on a frozen waffle while I made her breakfast and mine.  After breakfast I checked her temp again and it was 99.7...much less scary to me then 101.7. So far this morning she has been acting okay.  Right now she is takin a nap on my chest.  I love that she still sleeps so well on my chest.
I had complained earlier in the week that I would have loved a day off...I didn't mean I wanted Teagan to be sick to get it.  Luckily she's a sweet and not too grumpy sick.

I'd also like to thank the mommy's and ladies that work with kids that sent fever advice our way last night.  It's so nice to know such helpful people! 

Wordless Wednesday

Hoot Hoot.

Have you ever seen a real live owl? Not in a cage. Not at the zoo. Not in captivity. Not on tv. But in REAL LIFE.

Well, we were lucky enough to have this experience on Sunday evening. We were leaving our community group meeting and as we were coming up on the exit to the development I thought I saw a cat in the middle of the road. As Josh slowed to a stop we saw it was not a cat but an owl. It was beautiful. It was eeriely still though. I sat there for a moment very still and then realized, I have to take a picture! I struggled to quickly get my "everyday" camera out of my pocketbook, zoomed in and took a picture. The picture turned out to be crap. Then somebody pulled up behind us and the owl looked at us one more time and then flew away. It was one of the most breathtaking things I have ever seen. I've seen birds take off before but the grace of this mysterious creature was nothing like I'd ever seen before. As Josh drove off he told me I should call Joe and Lauren and tell them Harry Potter was in their neighborhood (only some people will find that funny).

The picture didn't take very well because I got a little flustered when Josh told me there was a car behind us. I did find a picture on the internet that resembles our owl even though I haven't found a picture that actually does the beauty of this bird justice. I also found by researching that it was a "barred owl" or a "hoot owl". Teagan and I decided to call the owl "Owly" after her new favorite book from her baby pen pal Eva.

Picture via.

Appalled.

My first reaction was to tilt my head to the left, raise my eyebrown and kind of crinkle up the right side of my face. All in confusion. Then my confusion turned to disgust. Then my disgust turned to out right anger and I couldn't hold it in any longer so I had to let it out. I'm probably a month or so behind on hearing about this but I chose to still comment on it. The store Urban Outfitters (I'm not even linking them) put out a shirt that says "EAT LESS". I had to see it for myself so I googled it and found a few articles and a few pictures. I cannot tell you exactly what I felt when I saw the picture of the shirt. I began to cry. I began to shake. My stomach turned into knots. And I just sat there, quietly crying, with a tsunami of memories taking over my being.
Not a lot of you know my story. To be truthful nobody knows all of it. Some know bits and pieces but my husband is the only one who comes close to knowing the entirety of it. I suffered with an eating disorder for 6 years. It went undetected or at least unconfronted for almost 5 1/2. I was nowhere near the scary skin and bones pictures that are on the billboards and discovery channel documentaries but I was sick. I was incredibly sick. My mind and my body were taken over by the disease. I use to draw the word "FAT" on myself with markers and stare at myself in the mirror for hours. I used to take freezing cold showers when I head eaten too much. I used pinch my "fat" to the point of bruising my skin. The eating disorder almost took my life. I will share that story some other time. With the eating disorder came severe clinical depression, insomnia and OCD tendencies. For a lot of sufferers these all go hand in hand so those things are not abnormal. There are still days, fewer and farther between, that I think "I just ate ____, I'm too full and I need to throw it up" or "I feel so full. I hate feeling full."
In all honesty, I was scared to get pregnant because I was worried about what the weight gain would do to my well being but pregnant actually changed my entire mindset and helped me get completely healthy. Having another human be completely dependent on you quickly changes your mindset. I think breast feeding Teagan has been extremely helpful in preventing a relapse because I know if I don't eat and get the nutrients I need then neither does she. I have imagined how easy it would be to slip back into that dark place to lose the baby weight but I refused to because Teagan's needs are greater then my want to be the skinny girl.
Thankfully, pregnancy has shown me that I am no longer a girl. I am a woman. I have curves. I have girl parts that have come in quite handy providing nutrition to my sweet girl for 9 months now. I will never be flat chested. I will never be able to shrink my hips. I'll admit there are days when I want to be flat chested and shaped like my husband (a stick) and then other days I like to figure out how to rock my curves in an appropriate manner.
When I saw the t-shirt in question my heart ached for Teagan. She already has a history of eating disorders and depression to fight. I ache at the thought she will have to go up against the same billboards, same messages, same pictures that her mom did. Possibly even worse. I vowed to get healthy not only for me but for her. I want her to grow up in a home where HEALTH is the focus. Not weight. Not inches. Not looks. I want her to be a kid. She will not be in makeup before she is in high school ( a little nail polish and playing dress up is fine). She will not wear shorts and skirts up to her rear end (no matter how long her Reid legs might be) with the excuse that everything is too short because Grandma can fix that little problem. Once she gets old enough to step on a scale ours will be thrown out. Weight and inches will not be something that is focused on. I'm not going to ban magazines and fashion because she will have to learn to deal with those things but she will learn in an open and structured and ask anything kind of environment. I know I can't protect her from it but I can make sure she focuses on being healthy and not just being skinny.
Even though it was the darkest time in my life I learned a lot from it. In reading and trying to find hints for myself at the time I learned also what to look for. I learned the early signs. I learned different tricks on how to hide it. At this point I look back and I'm thankful for that aspect of it because I know what to look for. I know the numerous amount of tricks and excuses. I also know that early intervention is key.
If you get anything from this entry I want it to be the idea of education and being proactive. Parents, teachers, friends & family. Educate yourselves. This has been a problem for YEARS and it's not going away anytime soon. Know the signs. The signs are starting as early as 5 YEARS OLD. Talk healthy body image to your kids (girls AND boys).

I've included some resources if you're curious.

NEDA
Eating disorder treatment
Kids Health



If you want to see/read about the shirt go here & here.