Have you ever had one of those moments where you lose your breath, your head spins and you feel like you need to throw up but you have to be "on" so you can't? Yeah, that was me about an hour ago. 
A little background: I'm at a training for work. I am over 2 hours away from home.  Teagan had a low grade fever yesterday and I had to get her early from daycare.  I already feel guilty and awful for leaving her.  Which brings us to now.
We had speakers from 12ish to 5:30 today and we have a 9pm reservation for dinner so I had time to get in a workout before dinner.  I get a call from Josh while I'm mid-run and he very calmly asks what I'm doing, I tell him & then ask him what was wrong (you have to know Josh to know he doesn't call unless there is something wrong).  He told me Teagan had a temperature of 105.  Yes, you read that correctly 105.  I almost fell off the treadmill grabbing my stuff and very loudly making sure I heard him correctly.  I told him I was going to call the doctor to see if an appointment, urgent care or the emergency room needed to happen and then I'd call him back.  I race from the gym to the room while trying to get the doctor's office on the phone.  While I was pacing the room, I was packing my bag and waiting to talk to somebody instead of the nice "we appreciate your call" recording.  Finally I got somebody and talked to them and they said to bring her in.  Just as I hung up with them Josh was calling.  Somewhere some wires got crossed and Teagan's temperature was 100 POINT 5. Yes, 100.5.  I lost it.  I started sobbing.  I haven't cried that much in a very long time. 
I'm just so thankful that she is okay and that it was all a mistake.  I'm still recovering but she made me feel better by talking to me and pressing buttons on the phone.  I really miss both of my loves but hearing that she was okay made me unpack my bags and settle in for the next three days. 

Not a creature was stirring...

It's 9:45 and I'm the only one up.  The house is quiet minus the pitter patter of my fingers striking the keys on my laptop.  I've wrapped presents.  I've made presents. I've packed packages. I've written Christmas cards.  I need to take a shower and try to go to bed.  I keep questioning whether I'm going to get it all done in time. 
Teagan has been sick. Josh has been sick. I've tried my best not to get sick.  We had a snow day. Teagan's "school" didn't have heat one day. This last week a day has been a whirlwind that unfortunately is going to continue into tomorrow and I'm afraid the rest of the week.  I've got about 5-6 blog drafts almost done but I've not really had the time to give them my full focus so they sit and wait labeled "draft".  I at least figured I could give you the up and coming blog line up and a picture of Teagan in all her cuteness.

Blogs to look forward to:
1) Review of Violet Peapod's sleepsack (SUPER cute!!)
2) Half Marathon overview
3) Teagan's pen-pal Christmas package!
4) DIY Christmas present for Teagan
5) DIY kind of Christmas presents for Teagan's teachers
6) Dearest Teagan, 11mths. 
7) From sweet Getty

I'm sure I'll throw in there what happens at the doctor tomorrow when I take Teagan.  We've had a kind of sick baby the last few days and she doesn't seem to be getting any better.  She had a fever one day but she's not really "sick" she's just a little stuffy and congested but she's not eating well and she's very tired and she's very clingy.  Also, it seems like sometimes she just doesn't know what she wants (Nessa, this reminds me of Eva).  I've got a knot in the middle of my stomach about going to the doctor tomorrow and I pray I'm just overreacting.  She's also having a pretty hard time adjusting to her new class at "school".  She definitely misses Ms. Haley and Ms. Alice. 

Here's the cute picture I promised!

Humble Pie.

Sometimes when you become a mommy, you get a "mommy head" (at least I do).  This is the mommy version of a big head.  Where you pretty much know what is best for your baby and when somebody else comes in and does something that works better your big head deflates and your feelings are slightly hurt.  This morning my head deflated faster then a stomped on balloon, my heart hurt a little and I gobbled down an entire humble pie. Not just a piece.
(CAUTION: a little whining and complaining coming)Yesterday, I stayed at home with Teagan all day long.  I loved on her and I took care of her like any mommy would.  We basically didn't move from the couch except to feed her and change her diaper.  I even set the alarm so I could get up every three hours to give her the meds through the night (end of whining).  If she hadn't been feeling yucky it would have been a perfect day because I love when she cuddles up close to me, nuzzles in my neck and goes to sleep.  
I sent Josh a text message that we needed baby Tylenol because they told me we could alternate between Tylenol and Motrin and since the recall we haven't had Tylenol in the house.  When he got home he had gotten all he could find but it was the wrong thing.  He lovingly went back out and got the right stuff.  He fixed dinner and got me anything I needed so I could care for Teagan.  My husband is an amazing daddy, what can I say?
Here comes the part where I eat that humble pie.  This morning around 5:35 Teagan woke up and since it was still kind of early I brought her to bed.  At least I tried to bring her to bed.  She wasn't having it.  She did not want to lay down. So she and I got back up.  I took her into her bedroom and did everything I could think of doing.  She continued to scream.  I don't mean whine and yell.  I mean SCREAM at the top of her lungs, arch her back like she was skydiving and cry real tears.  I put her on her back and started bicycling her legs and massaging her tummy.  She usually reacts like this when she gets gassy or constipated.  I thought this might have happened because of all the meds so I gave her some gas drops and continued trying to bicycle her legs and massage her tummy.  She continued to scream in what seemed like pain.  Then I saw a shadow at the door.  Superdad was in the doorway.  He scooped Teagan up and instantly she stopped crying.  I selfishly felt like she had just kicked me in my stomach. I had those "how dare he come in here and pick up HIS daughter and she instatnly be okay" feelings.  I just sat there. Stunned.  He asked what was wrong and I told him (shortly) that I was bicycling her legs because I thought she was constipated and that typically helps.  He asked if I wanted her back and I told him no, she was happier with him and then got up.  She kind of put one hand out at me and then took it back and I told her I wasn't going to take her from Daddy.  I was going back to bed.  (Even typing this I'm shaking my head, really?)  I went to bed and they came too, when he laid her in the bed she istantly reached out to me and of course I pulled her close and told her I was sorry and that it was okay.  She cuddled into her usual place on me and we all fell back asleep for a little while.
I thought a lot about why Teagan stops crying when Josh picks her up.  She feels his calm.  She feels his protection.  It's two things I feel when I'm upset and he wraps his arms around me.  I am the nuturer, the cuddler and the soft mushy/emotional one.  She feels that I am trying to fix whatever is wrong but sometimes I get a little flustered and she senses that.  He is the strong tower of protection and love.  He is the calm in the storm no matter how big the storm is.  He loves Teagan in a different way then I do but his love is no less important or not as strong as mine.  Words can't really express the gratitude I have for my husband in times like these....I just hope it doesn't take and entire humble pie next time to remember it.  I love you My Love.

First fever.

Yesterday started out pretty normal and then by the start of the evening Josh and I started getting a little worried.  Luckily we've both learned not to freak (too much) and we remained calm.  Teagan has only been sick one time in her 9 months as an outside baby and that was with an ear infection we didn't even know she had.  Last night she ran a fever of 101.7.  I got worried.  She was burning up from her middle back up.  She felt like a little ball of fire.  She was acting a little fussy but not too bad.  She had gotten a flu shot that morning and we figured that was what it was (that was our choice that we made with Teagan's doctor.  If it's not for you then that is fine.  Remember. Your child. Your decision.).  So, I gave her some Motrin and we just loved on her the whole night.  We put her down around 7:15 (45 minutes earlier then her usual bedtime).  It was almost like she was having feverish dreams for the first 2 hours or so.  She would wake up and either yell or talk but by the time I got upstairs she was already back asleep (and I move like the wind when I hear her at night, lol).  It was really strange.  She slept well and the fever broke and came back twice.
This morning after nursing twice (3:30 when she woke up and then at 5:30...I figured she didn't feel well and hopefully nursing would help at least a little) she came to bed with Josh and I for another few hours.  We finally got up a little after 8.  Teagan decided she wanted bananacado for breakfast but the avacado had gone bad so I cooked her some apples so she could have apple-banana for breakfast.  She sweetly gummed on a frozen waffle while I made her breakfast and mine.  After breakfast I checked her temp again and it was 99.7...much less scary to me then 101.7. So far this morning she has been acting okay.  Right now she is takin a nap on my chest.  I love that she still sleeps so well on my chest.
I had complained earlier in the week that I would have loved a day off...I didn't mean I wanted Teagan to be sick to get it.  Luckily she's a sweet and not too grumpy sick.

I'd also like to thank the mommy's and ladies that work with kids that sent fever advice our way last night.  It's so nice to know such helpful people!