Friday, October 29, 2010

Humble Pie.

Sometimes when you become a mommy, you get a "mommy head" (at least I do).  This is the mommy version of a big head.  Where you pretty much know what is best for your baby and when somebody else comes in and does something that works better your big head deflates and your feelings are slightly hurt.  This morning my head deflated faster then a stomped on balloon, my heart hurt a little and I gobbled down an entire humble pie. Not just a piece.
(CAUTION: a little whining and complaining coming)Yesterday, I stayed at home with Teagan all day long.  I loved on her and I took care of her like any mommy would.  We basically didn't move from the couch except to feed her and change her diaper.  I even set the alarm so I could get up every three hours to give her the meds through the night (end of whining).  If she hadn't been feeling yucky it would have been a perfect day because I love when she cuddles up close to me, nuzzles in my neck and goes to sleep.  
I sent Josh a text message that we needed baby Tylenol because they told me we could alternate between Tylenol and Motrin and since the recall we haven't had Tylenol in the house.  When he got home he had gotten all he could find but it was the wrong thing.  He lovingly went back out and got the right stuff.  He fixed dinner and got me anything I needed so I could care for Teagan.  My husband is an amazing daddy, what can I say?
Here comes the part where I eat that humble pie.  This morning around 5:35 Teagan woke up and since it was still kind of early I brought her to bed.  At least I tried to bring her to bed.  She wasn't having it.  She did not want to lay down. So she and I got back up.  I took her into her bedroom and did everything I could think of doing.  She continued to scream.  I don't mean whine and yell.  I mean SCREAM at the top of her lungs, arch her back like she was skydiving and cry real tears.  I put her on her back and started bicycling her legs and massaging her tummy.  She usually reacts like this when she gets gassy or constipated.  I thought this might have happened because of all the meds so I gave her some gas drops and continued trying to bicycle her legs and massage her tummy.  She continued to scream in what seemed like pain.  Then I saw a shadow at the door.  Superdad was in the doorway.  He scooped Teagan up and instantly she stopped crying.  I selfishly felt like she had just kicked me in my stomach. I had those "how dare he come in here and pick up HIS daughter and she instatnly be okay" feelings.  I just sat there. Stunned.  He asked what was wrong and I told him (shortly) that I was bicycling her legs because I thought she was constipated and that typically helps.  He asked if I wanted her back and I told him no, she was happier with him and then got up.  She kind of put one hand out at me and then took it back and I told her I wasn't going to take her from Daddy.  I was going back to bed.  (Even typing this I'm shaking my head, really?)  I went to bed and they came too, when he laid her in the bed she istantly reached out to me and of course I pulled her close and told her I was sorry and that it was okay.  She cuddled into her usual place on me and we all fell back asleep for a little while.
I thought a lot about why Teagan stops crying when Josh picks her up.  She feels his calm.  She feels his protection.  It's two things I feel when I'm upset and he wraps his arms around me.  I am the nuturer, the cuddler and the soft mushy/emotional one.  She feels that I am trying to fix whatever is wrong but sometimes I get a little flustered and she senses that.  He is the strong tower of protection and love.  He is the calm in the storm no matter how big the storm is.  He loves Teagan in a different way then I do but his love is no less important or not as strong as mine.  Words can't really express the gratitude I have for my husband in times like these....I just hope it doesn't take and entire humble pie next time to remember it.  I love you My Love.