Wednesday, October 20, 2010

From Embracing the Curves

This is a post that I wrote on my other blog. I feel as if it is relevant here too...

"Have you ever had one of those moments in your life where you wish you had a do-over button? I'm in the middle of one right now. I've come to a point in my life where I'm regretful of things I didn't do an should have done before now. Don't get me wrong. I'm madly in love with my handsome husband and my beautiful blue eyed girl. They would not be a part of this do-over. The stuff I would re-do would still include them being the conclusion of it all. I've always been of of those "what if" kinds. A few times it got my in trouble but the last one got my a husband and it's the best "what if" I've given into.
There is nothing to really give in to at this point. I'm simply envious of those who lived it up, whether individually or as a couple, before babies came. I'm envious of those who traveled abroad in their college years or after. I'm envious of my friends who just up and moved, bravely, across the states or world and have made it. I'm envious of those who actually learned something in college. I'm envious of my friends, my husband included, who know those randomly cool things about any and everything. I'm envious of my best friend who knows the name (s) of this plant because she's cool like that. I'm envious of my college friends who have already gone back to school and earned their MSW. I'm envious of my fashionable friends. I'm envious of my friends who aren't afraid to wear red lipstick. I'm envious of the people who I met and come in contact with who seem to have it all together and then some. I'm envious of the pages I read being something I want to have instead of writing the pages myself.
On the other hand...I wouldn't trade my incredibly handsome husband for any other man out there. He is a provider. He loves me unconditionally. He even lets me pout for a few minutes before asking if I'm finished pouting because he knows I just need to have a good pout sometimes. He is a hard worker. He loves Teagan and I to his bones. He loves the idea of family and helping out whenever he can. Somedays I feel like he towers over me but he is a tower of protection and not one that I cower before. Then there is our amazingly beautiful baby girl. She is the joy of my soul and I didn't realize I could love another human like I love her. She is a piece of me and Josh combined. She is the two of us melded together for eternity. How incredible is that? How thankful am I for her? More thankful as each day passes. Even when times are frustrating all I need is a sweet smile or a "lovin'" from Teagan and the world is good again.
So yeah, I get frustrated with my job and my house and where we live (kind of ). I get frustrated that I have to work or that I'm not using my degree properly. I get frustrated that I'm not fashoinable (despite what some of my Exodus girls think). I get frustrated we can't take Teagan and travel the world. Then, I come home to my untidy house, my handsome husband and my beautiful baby girl and all is well again."