Monday, August 9, 2010

Simpler things...

I’ve gone through many stages in my life in my 26 years. Some of them have been thoughtful and kind and some of them have been selfish and needy. Things used to matter to me. Material things were what I longed for. I wanted the designer shoes and the expensive cars. I wanted the money to never stop and got angry when it did. I wanted to be a Hollywood starlet and famous and went overboard in attempts to do so. I played tug-of-war with a very scary and dark part of myself for many years. When I get my credentials I plan on writing a book in order to help parents of teenagers struggling with what I did see the signs before it gets scary.
My Josh stayed with me through all that. Occasionally he indulged me and gave in to some of the expensive things the best he could or he would eat the last half of my food because it hurt me just to look at it. The greatest things he gave me during those dark times were love and understanding. He was there for me even when I was acting like the child in Wal Mart throwing a temper tantrum or refusing to get out of bed and take a shower. For those of you who don’t know I suffered severely with depression and an eating disorder for years. It went “officially” unnoticed for a very long time but Josh knew because he was down in the trenches with me regardless of what was happening.
These days I look back and appreciate the turmoil I went through (well, we went through) even though it was tough. I’m at the point in my life where I don’t want that anymore. I’m just as happy shopping at Goodwill or a thrift store as I would be at Neiman Marcus or Tiffany’s or a fancy boutique. I’m happier with my body now then I’ve ever been in my entire life. I’m also healthier then I’ve ever been in my life.
My wants are so much different now then they were before. My mind set has changed. I always knew that I married an “old soul” in an adorably handsome man’s body. I never though that his ways would rub off on me. These days I’d love to move out of our two story house into a one story bungalow type house with a big porch and a porch swing but it would have to have a garage. I’d love to live in a location like where we live now but I’d love for the downtown to have more to offer then a dry cleaners and a Curves. I have come to the point where I would even like to have cows (my husband comes for a farming family) and a lot of land where Teagan (and Miles David!!) could run around chasing the cows and the dog (Addie Bear doesn’t count as a dog…lol) and ride on the tractor and lay in the fields looking up at the clouds and the stars and yelling out what shapes they see. Josh has mentioned this a few times in our marriage and I just looked at him like he was crazy…these days it sounds like Heaven.
So, here is to thinking about a simpler life and enjoying and loving those closest to me who love me in spite of who I am and maybe love me even more because of who I’m becoming.

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