Monday, March 22, 2010

First day back at work...

Well, it's my first day back at work and it has been pretty awful. I am literally counting down the minutes until I can go pick up Teagan at my mom's...38 minutes...
On the drive this morning to Lincolnton I made it to Clark's Creek Rd without crying...I don't think it really hit me until then and then when I turned onto Startown I drove I know 35 all the way down the road until I had to turn off. Luckily, there was nobody behind me. It was really surreal. I figured the best way to do it was like taking a band-aid off, quickly and it hurts less (NOT)...just drop her off, tell Mom the specifics, kiss her goodbye and leave. I did that and as soon as I backed out of the driveway I got sick to my stomach. Guilt just flooded my whole body. What if she forgets me? What if she likes my mom more then me? What if I miss something? What if..What if...What if...? It was awful. I thought I would be a little better then this but it was even more difficult then I imagined. When I got to work and looked at the clock immediately and figured out how many hours and minutes and began trying to pre-occupy myself. I checked my work messages (27...and mostly just from 5 people) and returned calls, pumped, checked facebook, tried to work on the calendar for April and by then it was time to go see my baby girl! That was only about a 3 hour time span so it was like she was taking a nap and I was doing housework...When I got to Mom's luckily she was awake and so I cuddled her and fed her and didn't let her out of my arms the entire time. When it came time to leave I kissed her goodbye and just left like I did this morning...it wasn't any easier the 2nd time around. Luckily, I had more distractions the second half...the neighborhood kids came over and had to catch me up on all the latest gossip and so did one or two of the neighborhood ladies. So, that killed about 2 hours and how I have 33 more minutes until it's time to leave.
I can't wait to see my baby girl...this is going to be so hard...