Kyra is 1 month already!

I still can't quite wrap my head around Kyra being 1 month old.  Some days it seems like we just brought her home and other days it feels like she's been in our lives forever (in a good way).

Kyra is weighing in maybe around 9lbs.  She was doing so well at her one week check up that we won't have to go back until her two month so we're not sure about her weight right now.  I did measure her though and she is right at 22 inches already! She's grown an inch in a month! This makes clothing a little difficult.  She is right at too long for newborn clothes but far too skinny for most 0-3 clothes just yet. 

Kyra is a pretty good sleeper.  We've started her on a routine, of sorts, like we did with Teagan so her body starts adjusting to wanting to sleep around 8ish.  Most times this works out and I can get her down by 9-9:30 and other nights I'm up rocking her until 10-11.  Kyra is swaddled and honestly could take it or leave it but it helps her stay asleep through the jerky movements she makes while she is sleeping so we will continue to swaddle.  She usually sleeps a good 4-5 hours the first round at night and then another 3-4 after I get up and feed her at night.  She is definitely up by 8 every day and typically doesn't want to go back to sleep until around 11-12ish.  She isn't the best napper and sleeps during the day in 1-2 hr stretches but if that is how it's going to be to get those 5 hour stretches at night then so be it!

Kyra was a great "nurser" from day one.  I think this is partly because I was able to nurse her within 45 minutes of her birth and I knew what I was doing this go 'round.  She is very efficient in her nursing ability.  Kyra can "empty" one side in 10-15 minutes and be done.  Done as in doesn't want the other side, is completely satisfied, just burp her and she's done.  This has been good and bad in some ways.  It makes nursing time shorter but my "girls" are getting adjusted to that and so pumping has been a little off.  She also isn't a fan of being put down for long periods of time so pumping is kind of difficult.  Hopefully this will remedy itself soon seeing as I have to go back to work in January.

Kyra is still kind of fickle about the paci.  She is slowly taking it more and more but so far she isn't a huge fan of it.  She still won't really take it at night but we're working on it. 

Kyra is holding her head up well.  I credit her and Teagan for that.  Kyra loves to watch Teagan and is usually instantly alert when she senses her sister is near.  When Kyra is on her tummy she can move her head from one side to the other with ease.  When I have her on my chest trying to walk/bounce her to sleep at night she likes to move her head from side to side before she gets settled.

Just these last few days she has started "talking". I forgot how darn cute it is! We had our first conversation the other day after I changed her diaper.  We just talked and talked for about 5 minutes.  Be still my heart!  Kyra has also started smiling more.  Not the gas bubble smiles but genuine random but super sweet smiles.

I have been using the Moby Wrap (thanks Jeana!) with Kyra and I am in LOVE with it.  Kyra likes it too.  She likes to be right on me and the Moby Wrap is perfect.  There is nothing between us (other then clothing) and she can just snuggle right on to my chest. It's amazing. I only wish I'd had it with Teagan!

We are dealing with baby acne.  Well, not really dealing with it because there is nothing we can do for it but Kyra has it.  Poor baby is broken out worse then a middle school boy that just hit puberty.  Teagan never had baby acne so it's a little odd for me.  The hardest part for me has been not to mess with it!  Kyra is still amazingly beautiful though, there's no debating that!


Every day we are adjusting to our lives with a new baby.  I often catch myself just sitting back and looking at Josh and Teagan and Kyra in wonder.  These are mine. Josh and I were blessed to put our hearts and souls into two new beings.  The Lord blessed us more then we deserve and I hope that we are reminded of that every time we look into these two girl's sparkling blue eyes.  May we never forget how blessed we truly are.

Kyra Mae

So, this is basically 2 weeks late thanks to a killed over laptop & a sleep deprived mommy of 2 under 2.

Making her way into the world...
Kyra Mae

8lbs 2.3oz, 21inch
10/27/2011 at 7:11am via VBAC

There is an end in sight...

I know I should be excited about Thursday and I AM but I will also have a slight sense of disappointment if we make it to Thursday.  We have a scheduled c-section for Thursday morning.  I will finally be holding the sweet babe that has been in my belly for more then 9 months in my arms.  For that I am beyond ecstatic and couldn't be happier. 
However, if I make it to Thursday that means I never went into labor and my hopes for a VBAC are gone forever.  A lot of people might not understand my emotional turmoil about this subject. I know I should be thankful for the pregnancy and the fact that the baby is healthy and I am healthy and we are blessed to have another sweet babe coming into our family.  I am thankful for those things. To be quite honest I feel selfish when I think about how upsetting another c-section is for me.  Selfish or not I can't help it.  I do feel a slight sense of defeat and dysfunctionality.  I feel like my body was made to make and carry babies just not delivery them. I am really good at carrying the babies.  It's the going into labor and the follow through that seems to be the hard part for my body. 
Like last night, around 9:45 I was in the bed doing a word search and all of a sudden CONTRACTIONS! I was so excited. They were kind of strong and started coming regularly.  I laid there, breathed and actually enjoyed feeling them.  With Teagan I didn't have anything until I was in labor so I got really excited.  After about 30 minutes of regular contractions I went down and told Josh he might want to come up and get some rest because I really thought I was in labor.  They stopped about 10 minutes later.  I had a pretty sleepless night just waiting on another contraction or to feel my water break.  Nothing else happened.  So, of course I woke up this morning defeated.  I really thought I was going to wake up, Josh was going to take Teagan to daycare while I labored and then by the time he got back we would be heading to the hospital.  Needless to say I took Teagan to school and I'm doing last minute things for work.
I am trying to be positive about this.  I have had a healthy pregnancy.  We have a healthy baby who will be here on Thursday no matter what.  I know when I hold my sweet babe in my arms and to my breast for that first feeding that all these feelings of defeat will wash away.  I just hope those feelings stay away for good and don't surface to interfere with my bonding with Baby Bear.         

Anxiety

Lately I've become anxious about how Baby Bear is going to come into this world. 
Ever since I had my unplanned c-section with Teagan I have vowed to have a VBAC with my next one.  Now as the due date has approached I wonder if it's just a far fetched dream?  Satan really got into my head yesterday and rocked my world.  I am so thankful for a God who blessed me with a husband and friends who could talk me down from the proverbial ledge. 
When I found out I had to have a c-section with Teagan I was just ready to have her in my arms.  The disappointment of not being able to "have her" was not instantaneous, it came when I got pregnant again.  It brought out the "what if I just can't deliver a baby" questions.  There have been many times during this pregnancy when I have felt like it wasn't going to happen how I wanted.  The there have been times where I felt to my core that I am going to rock a VBAC (if I go into labor that is).
Right now I'm in the in between state of mind.  I want this baby to come out healthy.  I believe I can rock a VBAC but I have my anxieties about it.  I still carry the "she's too big" statements in my head I heard with Teagan.  They claim this baby is smaller then Teagan but what if Baby Bear isn't small enough?  I keep imagining the size of my pelvis and birth canal vs. Baby Bear and wonder How?  I was so confident with the idea of labor/delivery with Teagan but my view has been somewhat tainted since then. 
I will hold on prayerfully until the morning I get rolled into the OR with Josh at my side that I can have my wish of a VBAC.  After that I will be prayerful and thankful we have a happy and healthy baby and mommy.  In the end that is all really matters anyway...

Dearest Baby Bear

Dearest Baby Bear,
My sweet babe, it's almost time.  As I sit here writing this my eyes fill up with tears.  I cannot believe the time to hold you is almost here.  I've been aprehensive because I don't feel like I've given you the time I did your sister. I've been running around after her because she is a bundle of energy and most days I have to feed her and bathe her and help her brush her teeth!  I've barely had time for myself but I've loved you since we found out we were being blessed with another sweet babe.  As we grow closer to your due date my heart suddenly feels like it's going to explode with love.  I long to hold you and nurse you and have you nuzzle into my neck.  I can't wait to see you for the first time and tell you how much your daddy, your sister and I all love you.
I just want you to know we are all excited to meet you and hold you and love you.  We do want you to hang on at least another week and a half though. We want you to ate least be 37 weeks please! We want to be able to take you home right away so you just take all the time you want!

Forever and Always,
Mommy

Things I'm lovin' on this Thursday.

These shoes for Baby Bear...in hopes she/he he/she will be here by Halloween!

These for boy or girl Baby Bear! With skinny jeans, OMG!

Definitely these if Baby Bear is a boy!

And maybe these for Mommy...

And of course these lovelies:

 

What are you lovin' on this Thursday?



Doctor's appointment.

We had a doctor's appointment yesterday, Baby Bear and I.  I came out with a huge smile.  It was quite the polar opposite of our last appointment.  The last appointment I left feeling defeated and like I had tried so to keep the weight down for nothing. The idea of a VBAC seemed like it was slipping away. Then, BAM, yesterday happened. I got to see one of my favorite docs.
The prognosis is great.  Dr. W and I discussed the VBAC option and basically we're playing it like a normal labor UNLESS we have the 36 week ultrasound and Baby Bear looks like he/she is going to be a whopper (basically around Teagan's size- 8lbs 10oz) and then we schedule the c-section.  Which, honestly, Josh and I are both okay with.  Like I've said before I would prefer to be able to deliver naturally but as long as the end result is a healthy baby and healthy mommy then it's okay either way.  So, we are back to an extremely optimistic outlook on this labor/delivery! Hooray!

Goal: VBAC. The successful kind.

I don't make it a secret that I had a C-section with Teagan.  There is nothing to be ashamed of.  I had an incredibly successful c-section that I recovered marvelously from. Dr. James totally rocked it.  Was it my ideal way to bring our sweet girl into the world? No. Was it necessary? My doctor thought so and I trust my doctor.  We trust my doctors.  The ultimate goal of healthy baby/healthy mommy was met and that is what counts.
This go 'round we are aiming for a VBAC.  The doctors, Josh and I have discussed it and they are all for it as long as this baby is under 8 lbs (even though I have one doc who thinks Baby Bear is going to be a giant).  Also, the fact that I didn't develop gestational diabetes this time is playing in our favor. 
Honestly, I am starting to get a little nervous.  The nervous that started sneaking up around this time with Teagan. The HOLY COW THIS BABY HAS TO COME OUT nervous!!!  When I went into labor with Teagan the thought of a c-section hadn't really crossed my mind.  I did a lot of laboring at home and by the time we got to the hospital I was at 7cm and still going strong.  They say the second baby comes faster and there is a lot to consider with a VBAC so basically at the sign of real labor this time we'll need to head to the hospital.  This stirs a mixture of feelings through me.  I know why I need to get to the hospital quickly and we will but I am anxious about it.  I know the second we get into the room they are going to start hooking me up to everything under the sun to make sure things are going smoothly.  I get that. I really do. Am I excited about it? No. I don't want to be hooked up to a lot of things. I want to be free to labor in my "froggy" position like I did so well with Teagan and I want to be able to walk and shower and do it my way.  I am fearful it won't happen that way because of all the precautions that have to be taken.  Then there is still the possibility of a c-section that will linger until we go into labor.  We will have an ultrasound when I am 36 weeks to see what the size of Baby Bear is estimated to be and then a decision about the c-section will be made.  Until then we are going forward with the VBAC plan. 
Right now, as much as I want a VBAC, I am determined to stay open minded about the whole situation.  Josh and I have discussed it and obviously we are only concerned with the healthy baby/healthy mommy outcome no matter how we get there.

8 weeks to go...

We are in the single digits now when it comes to the countdown to Baby Bear!  It's really hard to believe how fast it's gone by.  In 5 weeks we will be FULL TERM. Really?!? 5 weeks? That means I could be cradling and nursing Baby Bear in 5 weeks.  It seems so surreal that we have almost reached that point.  The point where I need to pack the hospital bag. 

I am doing pretty well with the weight gain with this baby.  Usually I odn't brag on myself but I've tried to do really well this time and it's working.  I have gained right at 20 lbs and it all seems to be in the "proper" areas.  My hips are beginning to take on the "make room for baby" position and so somedays I feel like I look like I've gained more then I really have but the scale doesn't lie! Especially the one at the doctor's office!

I still have only bought 2 pair of maternity jeans.  I bought 2 tanks from Target that were longs and my MIL brought up the straps for me so I can wear them now and later so they count as half maternity even though they aren't.  I am still in the mindset that this will be my last time I need them so I refuse to spend a lot of money on clothes I will only be in for another few weeks.  It has definitely made me more creative when it comes to my wardrobe!

Thankfully I am still sleeping well.  My hips hurt like they did with Teagan but not nearly as bad.  I think that is in part to the weight gain difference.  I am sleeping with a pillow between my knees and that seems to help alleviate some of the pain.  I haven't even had to start the bathroom trips at night yet! I am sure they are coming though...

The only big craving I have had has been pancakes and cereal. I had a pancake craving that lasted about 2 weeks that we finally conquered last night thanks to Josh and IHOP! I have had cereal (usually Frosted Flakes or Honey Smacks) every night for the last few months! I can't go to bed at night without my cereal!

My mood has been on the up and up lately!  My anxiety is decreasing with every week.  It seems like it would be the opposite but once again the Lord's provision is shining through just when we need it.  We have been blessed with such an amazing church community and friends who have offered to throw us a shower for this baby.  We are having a before Baby Bear gets here and then after Baby Bear gets here shower.  We are truly blessed. 

Josh is still building furniture (yes, he is THAT amazing) and has one more coat of paint to put on the nursery walls until they are finished.  We are just worrying with the basics now and then we will tackle the actual decoration part as we learn Baby Bear's personality! I can't wait to dive into that project!!

Brushing Baby Bear's Teeth

I have no doubt we will continue to have adorable encounters to share between Teagan and Baby Bear.  I thought I would start sharing them with you. 

Teagan loves to kiss my belly and "Baby Bear".  Most of the time she won't even kiss Josh or I unless she really feels like it but we don't even have to ask her to kiss Baby Bear.  The other morning she was brushing her teeth and I was praising her and saying how she was showing Baby Bear how big girl's brush their teeth.  She looked at me.  Looked at her tooth brush. Looked at my belly and then pulls up my shirt and sticks her toothbrush to my belly and starts "brushing" Baby Bears teeth. It was the cutest thing!

Ultrasound, early Glucose Screening, & Check Up

We went to the doctor yesterday for an ultrasound, doc appointment and an early glucose test.  All of it went really well.  I should know the results of the glucose test by tomorrow.  Fingers crossed that all is well.  My doc isn't too worried though so I'm not sweating it. 
Teagan went with us to the appointment and was such a good girl the entire time! I know she was tired and bored but she was a trooper.  She was able to see the baby on the ultrasound screen but wasn't too sure about it.  She kept giving the ultrasound tech the evil eye because she was messing with "Baby Bear" and she didn't like that too much.  She held my hand almost the entire time waiting to pounce. It was so cute.  Already a good big sister!
We didn't find out what the baby was because this go 'round we have decided not to.  It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be.  I was too focused on seeing the baby, falling in love all over again and keeping Teagan occupied to even think about boy or girl. All I saw yesterday was another miracle I've been chosen to be a part of.  The baby is very healthy and measuring right on target. 

And the moment you've been waiting for....pictures!!