Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I am so blessed to have a great marriage.  It has it's ups and downs but overall I'm proud of and thankful for it.  Here lately it seems like the number of marriages that are ending before even a 2-3 year mark are increasing.  To be honest, it really hurts and burdens my heart. 
Josh and I had a rough start to our marriage.  There were more nights of arguing and crying then loving.  I was just starting to recover from my eating disorder and my depression.  I was becoming a different person then the one he married.  I no longer needed to be "rescued" and was becoming slightly more independent.  Neither of us knew how to handle it.  There were times it got so bad that in tears we wondered if we could survive it.  We wondered if all the arguing and crying was worth it.  We decided it was.  We worked really hard and learned how to communicate with each other effectively.  We learned each others "arguing styles".  I sometimes need "time outs" in the middle of an argument if I start getting overwhelmed.  This took Josh a while to figure out and me a while to express. If Josh is upset he needs me to leave him alone and not constantly nag "what's wrong, have I done something, what's wrong?".  When he has thought about it and processed it then he will come to me.  Until then it's like pouring gasoline on the fire and he just gets irritated.  We've learned not to let it "stew" very long because if it does we become emotionally resentful and we're both in a funk for a while.  Has it been hard? Yes.  Have there been times where we both have just wanted to throw up our hands and run away? Yes. 
Marriage is hard.  Marriage is not the honeymoon period every day.  Sometimes you go weeks without the lovey-dovey honeymoon feeling.  You have to get up every day and choose to love your partner.  I think this is where a lot of newly-married couples get caught.  Once the honeymoon period fades they are at a loss.  They wonder why they are working on something that should be really easy.  If you want something to be great you have to work at it.  You have to learn the ins & outs of it.  You can't be lazy.  You can't let it fall by the wayside or you will lose it. 
Marriage is kind of like building a house.  You get all excited at the beginning and then something wrong happens with the plans and you get discouraged.  How bad do you want that house? Do you work through the obstacle or do you let the house dream come crashing down?  You choose to get over that obstacle you're happy for a little while until something else happens that you don't like but you push through it.  Together.  A house is never finished.  There is always something to be done.  A wall to paint.  A leaky faucet to repair.  You should never be finished working on your marriage.  Because once you let it fall by the wayside it falls into disrepair and it's harder to work on and fix. 
I hope Josh and I never stop working on our marriage.  I hope we never have the perfect "house".  Because after perfection, what else is there?  Nothing.  I will strive to love my husband and be the best I can be for him.  We are both constantly changing but we choose to change together and I think that is the important part.  We're not in this marriage alone.

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