Thursday, August 18, 2011

Peace

Have you ever felt such an overwhelming peace come over you? The kind where you don't have a doubt in your mind that all will be well regardless of what might happen.  In the last year or so I have been blessed with this peace.  As morbid as this might seem to a lot of people, I am not afraid of death.  The dying part, yes. I'm not the most pain tolerant person. The death part not at all.  I had a dream before I went to BlogHer '11, and flew across the country, that a few years ago would have rocked my world.  I dreamed the plane I was in crashed.  Now, I have been flying quite literally my entire life.  I'm an Air Force brat and we traveled a lot.  I've never been scared of flying and quite honestly never though twice about it.  But, the older I get the more cynical I have become. I even get scared of thunderstorms on occasion.    
In my dream we hit a lot of turbulence and the captain came across the speaker saying we were going to try and conduct an emergency landing so we should all be prepared.  Then the inevitable came across the speaker.  The fact that we were going down seemed to consume the plane.  There were screams and crying and tears all around yet I felt an overwhelming peace.  I was okay with the idea of dying.  I had a pain surge through my body because I knew I would never again see my family on Earth but I knew I would see them again and it gave me peace.  I've memorized their faces and in my mind I was kissing and hugging them.  I just wanted them to have one last I love you, one last goodbye from me so I took a permanent marker, hot pink to be exact, and I wrote this on my arm as we were preparing for the crash: 

PB & LB- I love you forever and always. To the moon & back. Rejoice for me because as much as my heart aches that I won't see you on Earth BB & I will be waiting on you in Heaven.  Mom & Dad- I love you forever.

I was not crying in the dream.  I was actually quite peaceful.  The sole fact that I knew exactly where I was going gave me such a peace.  I am so appreciative that the Lord has given me such a peace in my life that I could never had found on my own.