The biggest pizza and a teeny baby.

Recently we went to visit our friends, Paul and Melissa and their sweet baby Aliza!  We bought them dinner and little did I know...my husband had me order THE BIGGEST pizza I'd ever seen in my life.  This pizza should be on one of the Food Network shows about super huge food and what not.  Just look how big this pizza is...

And of course! Baby Aliza! She is precious and she slept on me the entire time! Neither one of my girls was this tiny outside of my belly!  She was so precious!!  I'm all about snuggling up with a baby!  Just look at that poochie lip!! OMGoodness!!!

Dearest Kyra Mae

Dearest Baby Bear,
Oh my mercy how you're taking off!! In the last seven days you have cut two teeth, started zooming around going forward and you're pulling up in your crib dancing around until somebody gets you!
Your daddy and I were talking about how adventurous you are and how you are going to get into everything! haha! You are such a "chill" baby but when you have your eyes set on something you go for it with all you have.  Like the other morning, I was helping Teagan put one of her shoes on while you were on our bed.  Something told me to turn around and as I did you smiled a gummy smile and decided you were going to come join us on the floor whether it was by my hands or your free-fall was up for debate for a few seconds.  Thankfully my reflexes have gotten quicker with age and children instead of the opposite.  You joined us by my hands and not by a free-fall.  Oh my, sweet baby, oh my.
The nights when I put you to bed are something I cherish.  You've never been one to cuddle unless something is wrong.  You want to just be put down when you're tired and so I don't get a lot of time to just pull you close and snuggle you.  While you are sleepy and taking your bottle at night is an opportunity I take full advantage of.  I kiss your sleepy head and rub your sweet cheeks.  I talk to you and sing to you and pray for you, which is perhaps the most important of the three.  I pray for you my sweet baby.  I pray you know how much I love you, I pray to love you even more, I pray for our bond to grow stronger every day.  I pray I am giving you enough attention and even when I don't get it all right that you would know how hard I am trying and how much I love you.  I pray your heart will grow closer to the Lord with each passing day.  I pray for your future and that you will have the strength and courage to take leaps of faith with no questions asked.
Sweet Baby, you have added so much to our lives.  Teagan loves you right now possibly more than you will ever know.  She cares for you and always wants you to smile.  She tries her hardest to be a good big sister and I think she's doing a pretty good job.  She's learning.  Thank you for being patient with her.  I really believe you feel she is doing the things she does out of love for you.  I pray you and her continue to have a good relationship.  I pray you can and will be friends.  Forever friends.
I love you my sweet Baby Bear. So much.

Forever & Always,
Mommy

What I'm learning.

We're still in the midst of this torrential storm a lot of people, including us, call Life.  Slowly, but surely, we are getting into a groove.  Do focus on the word slowly though.
In the last few weeks we have transitioned into being a single income family, mommy being a full time grad student, potty training, crawling and a few odds and ends thrown into the mix.  I have been learning a lot through this transitioning time though.  It helps me to keep my head on my shoulders when I remember that. Sometimes it's easier said than done.

I am extremely lucky and blessed to have the support system I do. Whether it be my parents who pick up the girls and bring them to our house at least one day a week or Josh's parents who watch the girls sometimes on Saturdays or my family and friends who I know are thinking and praying for us once or more a day.
The Lord has blessed me with a strength that has surpassed any I've felt in the past and I am realizing He absolutely will not give me more than I can handle...even when I think He does.
My husband is a great man.  He has had to take on a lot of extra responsibilities with me in grad school and grad school only.  (Yes, I already knew this already, but he proves it more every day.)
Time management skills.  I'm still working on this but it's getting easier.  We've got a daily chore chart for the big stuff and with the girls leaving so early with Josh in the morning I am able to get things done (even a shower! EVERY SINGLE DAY!!! haha, Mommy joke) before I head in for my internship or school.  When I get stuff done in the mornings it gives me time to be with my family in the evenings until the girls go to bed.  I told Josh when we started that I was not going to give up my family just to go to grad school and so far I have pretty much been able to stick by that statement.
My professors are not out to make my life miserable.  So far, they have been amazing and I can't complain.  Some of the stuff we're doing is challenging and has catapulted me outside my comfort zone but I feel like I came into it expecting that.

I continue to try and remember the positive things that are coming out of this.  I try and remember to stay in each moment instead of thinking of all the things that need to be done.  I try not to get overwhelmed and allow myself a good cry when I feel the need.  Nobody ever said this was going to be easy.  Like we were teaching Teagan tonight- nothing worth having is really supposed to be easy.  Perseverance is key.  I am trying to practice what we're preaching because once again, actions are going to speak louder than words.

Dear Lightning and Thunder.

Dear Lightning and Thunder,

I saw on the news you will be frequenting our area for a significant amount of time.  I come with a gentle Mommy request.  Please do not come to our house during the wee hours of the morning.  You see, we are trying to potty train our 2 1/2 year old and it's best if she sleeps straight through the night with no interruptions.  Now, last night you blasted through this side of town like a drunken college student with no regard for anyone but yourself.  You woke up our Teagan.  At 1:45am.  She had to go potty.  Do you KNOW how exhausting it is to be sitting in front of the potty with your sweet toddler while she is still half asleep laying her head on your shoulder?  Yeah, I doubt it.  Thankfully we made it and didn't have to change clothes and sheets.  That might not always be the case.  So, if you can please come around at a decent time during the day or EARLY evening before she and her sister go to bed I would really appreciate it.

Thanks,
Teagan & Kyra's mom

Mattress cleaning...?

We have an old mattress...one that needs to ascend to mattress Heaven and prance in the fields of clean linens.  When it goes it can take the pillows with it.  However, a new mattress is not in our budget right now and is the least of our worries.  I came across a way to "clean" our mattress on Pinterest.  Even if it was pure crap I did it and I will continue to hold on to the placebo effect that it really did clean our mattress.

It said I needed baking soda (about a cup) and an essential oil like lavender.  Honestly, I didn't have any essential oils (hangs head in shame, I know! I know!) but I did have a lemon! They get oils from the lemon rinds, right? Well, I went with that idea and just used my micro-grater and grated the yellow from the lemon and mixed it in.  Whatever, it smelled good.
After mixing my concoction I sifted it onto the mattress and let it set for an hour then came back and vacuumed it up.  Clean mattress! Right...At least it smelled good.

Growing.

I struggled a very long time with self-esteem issues, with issues of never feeling good enough or smart enough.  I was the girl who was best friends with the smartest of our class, who never felt like I could ever be as smart as them.  I am sure there are quite a few ladies out there who can relate. I suffered through an eating disorder, clinical depression and just a general self-hatred for much longer than I should have.  Over the last few years the feeling will come less and less but it's not gone.  Occasionally it will creep in.  These feelings have been what really held me back from applying to graduate school.  I was scared of rejection.  Even though I knew if I could just get INTO school that I could do it...I still couldn't even bring myself to try.  It's funny how the LORD works...
He kind of just pushed me over the edge but was at the bottom ready to catch me.  He basically put a "now or never" situation into my path and Josh and I trusted, blindly.  It was the most incredible feeling I've ever felt.  Pure blind faith.  I had no anxiety test day, I had no anxiety when I clicked on the submit button for my application.  I knew, whether I got in or not that He does all things for our good and we would be okay.

Where does the time go?

Time flies.  There is so much to take in with each passing minute that I am just trying to be in that minute.  I grumbled the other night because Kyra was doing her usual 9:00pm stirring and Josh simply said "it won't last much longer" as I ran up the stairs to give her back her paci she'd lost in the night.  That comment hit my like a ton of bricks.  We are four months from having two toddlers.  Where have the last 8 months gone?  Where have the last 2 and a half years gone?  I struggle sometimes with being in the moment and documenting it so I don't forget that it happened.  It's a task I am trying to find a middle ground with.  Hopefully that middle ground will pop out and smack me in the forehead because time is truly traveling at warp speed...Just look...

I'm not gone, I promise.

You know that whirlwind that scooped us up a at the start of the year? Well, it finally let us loose, kinda.  We are finally on track with a plan and I am finally able to share part of it with you.  Let me just run down a few important things from the last few months....

I am now unemployed, not by the choice of me OR my boss.  We never knew year to year if I was going to have a job in July (HELLO, grant funding) and this year, I happen to not have a job come July 1st.  We got news that it didn't look good pretty early so I was able to look at more options...one of those options was going back to school to get my Master's....well, folks...
Happy news! I got in to grad school! I am currently an MSW (Master's of Social Work) student at UNCC and I just ACED my first grad school course.  There is a lot that goes along with this and I plan to unpack it all for you later. We've been kind of hush hush about it because had I not lost my job I would not be going to grad school because I would still be working.  I will be done next year because I was fortunate enough to be accepted into the accelerated program.  The first semester is pretty intense because they have to pack so much into it but come fall it should slow down at least a little bit.  I am still a little intimidated because I've been out of school for 5 years but the LORD has blessed me with an incredible support system and some great new friends in my class.
The LORD has had his hand in this entire process from beginning until now.  It started when I actually got everything completed for my grad school application done in two weeks, that included taking the GRE. Talk about whirlwind! 

That being said, I am going to do my best to continue to blog because I love it and it's an outlet for me.  However, with my particular field of study my life is consumed by constant papers, so when I am at the computer I am usually researching sources and fixing my APA mistakes.  When I do get to blog they might not be as thoughtful and heartfelt as before but I do promise to keep up with the sweet pictures of the girls!  They are growing so fast! You realize Kyra Mae is now 8 MONTHS?!?! Whoa, just whoa.

So, thank you for your continued support and prayers.  Please continue them both because they are truly something I feel blessed by.  I only pray I can reciprocate that same feeling for you.