Thursday, December 22, 2011

Day by Day.

After finally coming to terms with the fact that I am suffering from postpartum depression I did what I usually do when I come to something hard.  I get upset and overtaken by it, I get super mad and then I deal with it.  My dad noticed this pattern in me in high school and honestly, I've never done it any other way.  That cycle is how I deal with things and do my best work when faced with hardship. 
I'm in the dealing with it phase now.  Do I sometimes still get upset and just cry until my eyes are bloodshot? Yes.  Do I get so angry that I just want to run away (disclaimer-NOT at Kyra, at the depression). Yes.  But, I'm dealing with it now.  I've come to terms with it and now it's time to take this task on. 
One way I've started dealing with it is to write down everything I get done during the day.  This includes eating breakfast, fixing coffee and feeding Kyra.  If I do it in a twenty-four hour period then I write it down and look at it before I go to bed.  I do this to combat the thoughts of not getting anything done.  I would be consumed by thoughts of things I needed to get done during the day when Kyra would cry or not want to be put down.  If I could put her down then I could do this or that.  With writing it down I realize how much I DO actually get done during the day, including cuddling with Kyra. 
The other way I'm dealing with the PPD is carving out my quiet time.  I'd been using the excuse of not having time to read my Bible and journal because I had a toddler and a baby and a husband to care for.  I just couldn't do it all.  Well, that was a mistake.  Lesson learned. Putting God first has helped combat the depression during the day.  I am able to recall the night before and a calmness comes over me.  That is when I allow myself to just breathe and remember.  I'm still working on that part. 

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