Dearest Baby Bear

Dearest Baby Bear,
Well, Kiddo, we've hit the halfway mark! I can hardly believe it.  It's all happening so fast this time.  I spend a lot of time chasing after your big sister.  I can't believe this time next year you will be starting to "cruise" and trying to follow her around the house.
A little word of advice for while you're in my "belly belly".  If you hear the screams and the squeals coming from your sister, fear not, it's normal and sometimes annoying but you are sure to go through the phase as well.  Maybe you'll learn from her and not be quite as loud with the squealing. 
Your big sister loves to kiss you.  She kisses and cuddles you through my belly at least 4-5 times a day.  A week or so ago she tried to brush your teeth.  She already loves you.  She might be a little jealous when you come home but I have a feeling she is going to be another "mommy"; wanting to hold you all the time and just love on you (when you aren't crying).   
We went to the doctor last Monday to check on you and finally see your sweet face.  Let's just say I fell in love for the third time in my life.  You are so beautiful and healthy and perfect that I can't wait to hold your sweetness in my arms and show off our second miracle to the world. 
Your daddy bought the wood to start making your dresser and your crib.  I am so excited! He and your Grandpa do such a good job when it comes to making furniture for our family.  Yours will be no exception!
I am still trying to figure out your room.  Since we aren't going to know whether you are a baby girl or baby boy until you make your apperance it's going to be a little hard.  I have 2 ways I am thinking about going with your room but we'll see.  I think once your daddy and I clean out the office (which will be your room) and I have a clean slate I can start really planning.  I can't wait to start finding little special things for your room like I have Teagan's.  I'm sure she will help me pick out a few things for her Baby Bear!
Your movements are getting stronger every week.  This afternoon at work I felt you rolling and dancing in my belly while I was addressing envelopes.  I love just being able to sit and feel for your movements.  I discovered today, while I was the only one in the office, that you like when I sing loudly.  Especially showtunes.  A little something after my own heart already! When I'm home in the evenings, after we've put your big sister to bed, your daddy and I relax on the couch and after I've had my hour with just me and you he comes and cuddles up for his turn.  Hands on my belly just waiting to feel you.  I think he will be able to feel you soon!
We are so in love with you already, Baby Bear.  You are truly going to make our family complete.  A nice even number of 4!

Always & Forever,
Mommy

We are holding steady at #72 over at Top Baby Blogs.  Think you could spare a Friday vote for us?? We will be eternally grateful!

Dearest Teagan

Dearest Teagan,

There is so much running through my mind right now that I want to tell you so you will remember it forever.  There are big changes coming your way in a few months with Baby Bear coming into to picture "officially".  I want you to know my love for you is not going to change.  You are my first baby.  You are the first one that made me realize how expansive my heart can actually be.  You've made me realize that I am capable of loving and tending to another human being.  That it's okay to mess up every once in a while because we are constantly learning.  Both you and I.  You've help me see the world with a child like innocence that I lost years ago.  The joy you find in the smallest things sometimes overwhelms me and brings me to tears.  I find myself missing you throughout the day and still, after 16 months, running into the doors at daycare just to swoop you up and hug you tight.  I cherish every single hug and kiss from you because I know you won't always want to hug and kiss me.  Sometimes you get frustrated at me because I hug you a little longer then you want but know it's because I want to cherish every second I have with you.  It all goes by too quickly and I want to hold on to these moments forever. 
I can already tell you are going to be an amazing big sister.  You kiss my belly without question.  You cuddle up to my belly and snuggle in close.  It's almost as if you sense that your brother or sister is in there.  You've even tried to brush Baby Bear's teeth.  I can only imagine the things you are going to teach Baby Bear.  Some of them good and some of them mischievous. 
You have such a sweet spirit about you.  You love to explore.  You are such a strong willed child and to be honest I hope you keep that strong will.  It might be a little challenging as the years go on but a strong will is not a bad thing to have.  I hope nobody ever breaks you will, Little Bear.  You are becoming more and more aware of the things going on around you.  You even know when we get on the road "school" is on.  You love school and playing with your friends.  I love to see the excitement on your face when you see that big building out the window.  It makes me just as excited as you when we pull in.  Seeing your face light up when your daddy gets home is priceless as well.  I've always been excited to see your daddy walk through the door but seeing it from your perspective puts a whole new spin on it.  You've learned the opening of the garage and the hum of his diesel engine.  You know the shutting of the car door and the squeak of the kitchen door.  Your eyes light up like it's Christmas morning. Every. Single. Time. It makes my heart smile.  I can't even imagine how quickly it melts your daddy's heart as you run to greet him with open arms.  He loves you more then you'll ever know, Little Bear.  You've changed us both.  We are better people since we've been blessed with you. 
Even as I type this my eyes fill up with tears.  The over emotion of growing another blessing inside me on top of how much love I have for you sometimes overwhelms me and I just have to stop and remember to breathe. 
The next few months, I'm going to be tired and I'm going to get bigger.  I'm not going to be able to play as long outside as I can now.  I might even have to sit down after running after you.  Just know. I will always play with you. I will always be sitting there watching you in amazement.  I will do my very best to still fly you around in my arms and "drop" you on the couch to steal tickles and kisses.  I promise to keep my pregancy hormones in check when both of us are getting frustrated and start to cry.  I promise to snuggle and hug you anyway I can when my belly is the size of a giant watermelon.  I promise to continue to tuck you in at night even if Daddy has to be the one to place you in your crib because I can't lean over it anymore.  Even when Baby Bear comes we will still say your night night prayers and read a story.  I will still tell you how much we love you and you will still say "night night Backyard" as we close the blinds for the night.  A lot of things will change in our house but I promise that we will still have our time.  I made that promise to you when you were in my belly and I make it again.  Baby Bear is not replacing you.  Baby Bear is coming to be with you.  We will still be a family.  We will just be a family of four. 

I love you to the moon and back.
Forever & Always,
Mommy


. 

Brushing Baby Bear's Teeth

I have no doubt we will continue to have adorable encounters to share between Teagan and Baby Bear.  I thought I would start sharing them with you. 

Teagan loves to kiss my belly and "Baby Bear".  Most of the time she won't even kiss Josh or I unless she really feels like it but we don't even have to ask her to kiss Baby Bear.  The other morning she was brushing her teeth and I was praising her and saying how she was showing Baby Bear how big girl's brush their teeth.  She looked at me.  Looked at her tooth brush. Looked at my belly and then pulls up my shirt and sticks her toothbrush to my belly and starts "brushing" Baby Bears teeth. It was the cutest thing!

Ultrasound, early Glucose Screening, & Check Up

We went to the doctor yesterday for an ultrasound, doc appointment and an early glucose test.  All of it went really well.  I should know the results of the glucose test by tomorrow.  Fingers crossed that all is well.  My doc isn't too worried though so I'm not sweating it. 
Teagan went with us to the appointment and was such a good girl the entire time! I know she was tired and bored but she was a trooper.  She was able to see the baby on the ultrasound screen but wasn't too sure about it.  She kept giving the ultrasound tech the evil eye because she was messing with "Baby Bear" and she didn't like that too much.  She held my hand almost the entire time waiting to pounce. It was so cute.  Already a good big sister!
We didn't find out what the baby was because this go 'round we have decided not to.  It wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be.  I was too focused on seeing the baby, falling in love all over again and keeping Teagan occupied to even think about boy or girl. All I saw yesterday was another miracle I've been chosen to be a part of.  The baby is very healthy and measuring right on target. 

And the moment you've been waiting for....pictures!!

16 months

I have been beyond slack on keeping up with Teagan's monthly updates.  I hope to get much better with it. Things have been just a little crazy these last few months.  She is growing and changing and learning so much every single day that it's getting hard to keep up with!!
 
Height: Right around 30 inches
Weight: 25lbs on the dot!
Clothing size: 9-18mths depending on the brand
Teeth: when these next 2 break through Teagan will have 12 teeth! Holy Cow!!!

This month big girl is learning more and more signs.  Unfortunately we don't get to work with her as much as we'd like.  With Josh and I both having to work we only get to work with her and teach her signs when we are home.  Luckily Teagan's best friend, Matilda, signs too and they sign with each other at school.  Also, their very favorite teacher, Ms. Haley, is trying to learn some and work with them as well.  She is great!
Teagan can now sign: more, eat, milk, water, please, thank you, daddy, help, airplane, and about 3 more right now I just can't remember.  She recognizes quite a few but she just hasn't signed them to us yet.  We've started the Baby Signing Time videos on rainy days.  Thankfully they are broken into chapters so she only gets around 5-7 minutes of "screen time".  We are still pretty big on no TV until she's two even if it is "educational".

She is a big talker when she's in a good mood.  Her favorite word right now is Daddy.  She says mommy as well but it doesn't get said as often.  I'm sure she has a larger vocabulary then I know but words are difficult to decifer.  She has started trying to repeat words and it's adorable. 
She can say: Daddy, Mommy, cat, go, hey, hi, dog, diaper and a few garbled words.  She can say "A, B, D" of her ABC's.  It's really cute.  I sing the ABCs and then ask her to sing them back and she will sing "A,B, D" over and over again. 

Thanks to a trick learned from my friend Becca I started teaching Teagan how to throw her dirty diapers away.  Now she is almost insulted if I throw it away instead!

She knows all the parts of her body and likes to show people their body parts too. 

She has become much pickier with her eating.  She doesn't like anything bland and has become a "dipper".  She loves dipping her chicken in BBQ sauce and more recently her bread that goes with her chicken. She won't eat a lot of fresh fruits, except for bananas, or veggies which is frustrating but I'm really hoping it's a phase.  In the meantime we have started her on a multi-vitamin to supplement for right now.

She is running all over the place and would rather run the walk.  Occasionally this becomes a problem when she doesn't realize how fast she's going and doesn't pay attention to the path in front of her. 

We officially have a time out chair.  Josh and I are still figuring out discipline as we go but for right now time out and redirectioin is our form.  It's a little difficult to implement because during the week she is at daycare more then she is with us but we are doing what we can. 

As far as Teagan's binky goes she is doing well.  This is another difficult task because she is at daycare more then with us during the week.  When she is with us or grandparents she only gets her binky at naptime or bedtime.  She does not get it in the car or when she cries.  It's not a crutch that we use.  We have mixed feelings about cutting it before Baby Bear comes though because we know she is going to regress in one form or another and if we take it then it's gone.  We don't want to have to worry about her stealing the baby's.  Also, all the other kids in her class still have their binkys for the most part so it's in her face every day.  We are basically determining the point we will take the binky by when she moves up to the next class. 

We have introduced the potty and Teagan has now used it successfully twice after naptimes just this weekend.  We are not potty training officially but we are letting Teagan get used to it and letting her use it at different times during the day.

Hot days.

We don't have a baby pool for Teagan yet.  I really think I will be purchasing one soon because kiddo loves water.  When we get home from "school" and she has had a long hot day of playing with her friends outside we fill up the bucket and I just let her play in the water.  She loves it! She is such a ham!

Flashback Friday

Kinda like a "wordless wednesday" but we're kicking it old school...Since I did a marriage post the other day I figured I'd flashback to some of our older pictures together!

I am so blessed to have a great marriage.  It has it's ups and downs but overall I'm proud of and thankful for it.  Here lately it seems like the number of marriages that are ending before even a 2-3 year mark are increasing.  To be honest, it really hurts and burdens my heart. 
Josh and I had a rough start to our marriage.  There were more nights of arguing and crying then loving.  I was just starting to recover from my eating disorder and my depression.  I was becoming a different person then the one he married.  I no longer needed to be "rescued" and was becoming slightly more independent.  Neither of us knew how to handle it.  There were times it got so bad that in tears we wondered if we could survive it.  We wondered if all the arguing and crying was worth it.  We decided it was.  We worked really hard and learned how to communicate with each other effectively.  We learned each others "arguing styles".  I sometimes need "time outs" in the middle of an argument if I start getting overwhelmed.  This took Josh a while to figure out and me a while to express. If Josh is upset he needs me to leave him alone and not constantly nag "what's wrong, have I done something, what's wrong?".  When he has thought about it and processed it then he will come to me.  Until then it's like pouring gasoline on the fire and he just gets irritated.  We've learned not to let it "stew" very long because if it does we become emotionally resentful and we're both in a funk for a while.  Has it been hard? Yes.  Have there been times where we both have just wanted to throw up our hands and run away? Yes. 
Marriage is hard.  Marriage is not the honeymoon period every day.  Sometimes you go weeks without the lovey-dovey honeymoon feeling.  You have to get up every day and choose to love your partner.  I think this is where a lot of newly-married couples get caught.  Once the honeymoon period fades they are at a loss.  They wonder why they are working on something that should be really easy.  If you want something to be great you have to work at it.  You have to learn the ins & outs of it.  You can't be lazy.  You can't let it fall by the wayside or you will lose it. 
Marriage is kind of like building a house.  You get all excited at the beginning and then something wrong happens with the plans and you get discouraged.  How bad do you want that house? Do you work through the obstacle or do you let the house dream come crashing down?  You choose to get over that obstacle you're happy for a little while until something else happens that you don't like but you push through it.  Together.  A house is never finished.  There is always something to be done.  A wall to paint.  A leaky faucet to repair.  You should never be finished working on your marriage.  Because once you let it fall by the wayside it falls into disrepair and it's harder to work on and fix. 
I hope Josh and I never stop working on our marriage.  I hope we never have the perfect "house".  Because after perfection, what else is there?  Nothing.  I will strive to love my husband and be the best I can be for him.  We are both constantly changing but we choose to change together and I think that is the important part.  We're not in this marriage alone.

17 weeks

Wow, 17 weeks! Time has flown by this go 'round.  We are almost at the half way mark! The belly has really popped...to say the least. 

Weight gained: 7-8lbs

Clothing: Wearing the 1 pair of maternity jeans that aren't too big for me.  I did buy a pair of white maternity pants that honestly I should have bought in another color but oh well, they'll come in handy.  I have 3 pairof my jeans that fit.  All of my dresses and most of the shirts fit.  There are a few shirts that the girls no longer fit in but for most part my shirts still fit. 

Sleep: Still good.  A little tossing and turning.  I am worried that my hips are going to kill me like they did with Teagan because they've already started getting sore because I'm sleeping on my sides. 

Mood: Eh, it's starting to kind of taper off.  I think at this point my hormones have started leveling off a little bit which is great.  Especially since Teagan is starting the temper tantrum age.  We might be finding an official time out spot soon.

Cravings: Honestly, not a whole lot.  I've craved random thinks like a sundrop slushy, which I haven't had in years, or wings.  I love milk but I'm not craving it like I did with Teagan.  Thanks to Josh a lot of it has been mind over matter.


My exercise hasn't been even remotely close to what it should be.  Even though chasing around a running 15 month old should count for something.  I'm lucky enough to have girl friends that I'm going to start walking with a few times a week starting tonight! I can't wait! Exercise and girl time! Nothing better!

Honesty is the best policy. Even if it's kinda gross.

Caution.  Pregnancy TMI ahead. 


I warned you.  So, if you decide to read passed the point above you do so at your own risk.  Just sayin'.  Pregnancy isn't all roses and butterflies, people. 
Anyway, I know a pregnant woman's body goes into crazy mode because I've done this before.  What I wasn't planning on this go 'round was the, well, we'll call them bladder issues.  It's only happened once (so far) and I was asleep so that counts for something, right?
I was having a dream the other night about being somewhere they wouldn't let anybody go to the bathroom.  It seemed like forever in the dream before we were let out so we could have a break.  I went into the bathroom and could not go (insert my awesome body trying to make me wake up before something dreadful happened).  Well, I tried enough to go in my dream that I went.  I went for real. Thankfully I woke up before disaster really struck but it was not a pleasant experience. 
My advice to pregnant ladies: if you are having a dream and you're trying to use the bathroom but you're body is fighting it try your hardest to wake up and use the bathroom before a disaster happens! 

Mother's Day

Last Mother's Day I was a bit overwhelmed.  We were still adjusting to life with a baby girl and my moods were a little roller coaster like.  This year was far better.  We had a busy Sunday but it was a blessed Sunday.  We spent our Sunday at church celebrating and worshiping the Lord that made me a Mommy, I snuggled up with my baby girl and napped, we enjoyed a cookout with my side of the family and went and visited with Josh's side.  Seeing all the people we love was a blessing.  I can't believe next Mother's Day I will be the mommy of 2! Wow.

I do want to do a little shout out to my mom.  My mom is the most innocent and caring person I've ever met in my life.  She still holds an innocence almost surpassing that of a child.  She sees the good in people and refuses to see the bad until it basically hits her in the face.  Don't let that fool you though she is stronger then she'll ever realize.  She has a heart like none I've ever known.  I know people say they know of people who would give the shirt off their backs to somebody who needed it but they haven't met my mom.  I honestly think she would give her undies to somebody who needed it. Just saying.  She's that good. Her priorities are definitely where they need to be.  God comes first, then family then basically whoever else needs her. 
I grew up an Air Force brat.  My dad wasn't gone so much that I didn't know who he was and I will forever be a daddy's girl but there were a lot of times where it was just me and mom.  She was a stay at home mom and we were all each other had when daddy was gone because we were away from family and I am an only child. I was an amazing child until I reached the 3rd grade.  After that I entered the age of the attitude and disrespect.  I look back in pain at the number of times I just hurt my mom's feelings from 3rd grade until after I graduated college.  They say you take out your frustration and anger on those closest to you.  Well, the number of tears my mom shed because of me must tell you how close we were.  When we "argue" nobody really understands it.  We have words and then usually no more then an hour later we're back to normal.  It used to drive my dad nuts but that is just how we work and to be quite honest I already see that with Teagan and I.  Not real sure how good that is but it works for us. 
Now, my mom and I are best friends.  I feel weird not seeing her or talking to her everyday.  We see each other at least 4 out of the 5 days in my work week and I talk to her on the phone at least 5 times a day.  We go shopping and are brutally honest with each other.  We support each other 100%.  It's honestly like God gave me a sister and a mom all wrapped up in one (because of the only child thing).  I am so grateful to my mom and all she has taught and continues to teach me.  I can only pray that I grow up to be a third of the woman she is.