Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Dearest Teagan

Dearest Teagan,
Oh my Mercy, sweet Little Bear.  You turned two yesterday. Two. As I type that number I shake my head in blatant disbelief.  Can it be that you have been in our lives for two years?  Sometimes I can't remember life before you.  It seems so surreal.  These last two years have gone by at unheard of speeds.  Some moments seemed to creep by then the other times could have broken the world record for speed.
You have been my most efficient teacher, my sweet girl.  In the past when things got hard or difficult I would run away.  I would look for the easiest way out and run full steam ahead to it.  With you I couldn't run.  With you I was made to stay and fight.  Having you in my life has made me stronger and more willing to fight for the things I want and love the most.  To type an almost unavoidable cliche' you have made my life, and your Daddy's, better.
Your daddy loves you I think more then you will ever know.  You've changed him as much as you have changed me.  He was a good man before you entered our lives but something about you triggered something in him.  There is a certain look in his eyes when you reach out for him.  That look has been in his eyes since he first held you.  It's a look of unconditional love and fierce protection.  Your recent thing to do with Daddy is to give "bear hugs".  You squeeze each other tight and I always wonder who is going to let go first.  I don't think either of you ever want to.  You've also started "reading" to him at night.  Sometimes all four of us don't get to say goodnight together.  While I am getting Kyra ready for bed Daddy puts you to bed.  There have been times when I've gotten Kyra down but I don't come out.  I just listen.  I listen to you reading mine or your daddy's Bible and then begging to be rocked a minute.  I don't dare come out because I would never want to interupt your special moments as father and daughter.  As daddy and his little bear. 
You continue to amaze us, Little Bear.  I know I say that often and to anybody who will listen.  I know I am bias and see you through rose colored glasses more often then not.  But you do amaze us.  Your intelligence, your kindness and your genuine innocent curiousity.  You are truly coming into your own.  Every day there is something new.  Some new word or funny face or emotional meltdown.  There is never a day like the day before.  You are a very emotional little being.  To be honest it sometimes drives me and your daddy crazy but we have to take a step back and realize just because you're a smart booger doesn't mean you are an adult and you are still figuring things out.  So, your emotions will continue to be extreme until you can get a handle on them.  Honestly, I will be glad when you can regulate your emotions but I pray you don't lose your passion while you learn regulation.
This morning I was the one who got you up and out of bed.  When I picked you up you held on tight.  Tighter then normal in the morning and you didn't want to be put down.  Usually we are in a big hurry in the mornings and I don't take time to just be because usually there isn't time for that.  This morning even though the minutes were speeding by I made time.  I sat down in the middle of your floor with you on my lap wrapped tightly around me.  Legs around my waist and arms around my neck.  I just sat there rocking, rubbing your back, smelling your hair and talking sweetly to you.  You were telling me about your dreams. About how you and Kyra played baby dolls.  It was one of those moments that was so simple but one forever forged into my memory.  I pray for many more of those time please stand still moments.
I love you Little Bear.  I love who you are.  Who you are becoming.  Who you will be. 



Forever and Always,
Mommy